Lez Keep It Real

This week’s Come Out & Play post spotlights Jeremie. (Jeremie asked that only her first named be used.) Jeremie contacted me on the Planet Podcast Forum and offered to share her coming out story with the Lez Keep it Real readers. I give her a lot of credit for putting herself out there.

The following is Jeremie’s story:

It was my freshman year of high school. I thought everything was going pretty well for the middle of the year. My grades were up, my friends were abundant and even my teachers seemed to like me. One night well talking to my friend online, after finishing my homework of course, I felt really close to her. We were just talking about anything and everything really.

I was sitting there thinking about how great our friendship was…and then there was a pause in the conversation. I was thinking of what to say next when I thought about something. Recently I’d been working out in my mind that I was gay, but I hadn’t fully accepted it in myself. But that night the electricity in the air was palpable to me. I felt like I could do anything, with my friend by my side.

So when I began typing I had a mission: I was going to tell the first person ever to know that I was gay. As soon as the words hit the screen my heart started pounding, blood started rushing to my head, and I was beginning to feel dizzy and nervous. The words: YAY! Popped up in the conversation window next and I let out a breath I didn’t know I had been holding. She was happy…happy! She was the first person I had told and she was happy for me. What could’ve been better?

“Please,” I typed “Keep this quiet though, I’m not sure how many people I want to tell yet.” I waited. “You bet buddy, I’m just glad you finally did it!”

The conversation carried out for almost the rest of the night until I felt too tired to continue. That night I slept peacefully. A weight had metaphorically been lifted from my shoulders and I could breathe easy, because now I was not so lonely.

The next day at school was like any other. I went through classes, got my homework and rode home in the car with my sister. As soon as I got home I was starting my homework when I got a phone call. It was a friend from school. “Hey there.” I said “What’s going on?” “Oh you know,” the person at the other end of the line replied, “Just that…I heard you’re gay. Is that true?” Immediately my face burned red, although there was no one to see it. My breathing became shallow and I tried to fight off anger and frustration…and tears. “No.” I grit out through my teeth. “Why would you say that?” “Well someone mentioned that you said that to them last night, but I’m not telling you who. But I just wanted to see if it was true or not.” “Of course not. Listen, I have to go, I’ve got..homework.”

I hung up the phone as a million things ran through my mind and a million emotions flashed inside of me, but the biggest emotion of them all was Betrayal. I had never felt so betrayed in my life. I quickly called my supposed best friend and there was no answer. For the rest of the night I tried calling her and she kept avoiding me, and later that evening she failed to get online. I had a sneaking suspicion why.

That night was restless for me. I don’t think I slept at all. When I was at school in the morning, I was in seek-and-destroy mode, someone leaked my secret and that someone would pay!

“Hey” I yelled and ran up to my friend. “What’s up?” She asked innocently. “You know what is up? I got a call from a mutual friend last night and they said that you told them I was gay…I told you to keep it quiet!” “Look I thought they should know ok? It’s not a big deal, it was only that person.”

I was furious, and so the best thing to do at that moment, was for me to walk away. Which is what I did. Through the day people kept coming up to me and asking me if I was gay and I kept saying no. I was miserable, and more than anything I was angry. At that point in time I felt like, if this was what being gay was about, I didn’t want anything to do with it. I trudged through the day, fearing that my whole high school life would be like this from now on.

We exchanged some words and tried to work things out, and I was pretty mad at my friend for a while. I didn’t know what she was thinking. I didn’t expect this from her. Eventually the questions died down and the rumors became yesterday’s news…and I did end up forgiving my friend. A part of me was glad that she had done what she did, but the other part, kind of wishes she would’ve let me come out on my own time. Either way, I came out, and my friends all know, the school knows, and I even got around to clueing in my mom and sister. Later that year I found out that my mom was also a Lesbian as was my sister. Bizarre no? But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

You can visit Jeremie on the Planet Podcast Forum under the name writerboi.

Tune in every Friday for the Come Out & Play series, featuring coming out stories of celebrities, every day people, personal reflections, advice, tid bits and everything else concerning the complicated world of coming out!

Got an interesting coming out story to tell? Contact me and I will feature it in an upcoming post of Come Out & Play.

Have YOU heard about the “fag bug?”

[Come out and play, coming out, the closet, planet podcast, planet podcast forum, gay, lesbian, boi, high school, gay teens, coming out in high school, fag bug[/tags]

Have you heard about the “fag bug,” otherwise known as “activism on wheels?” A vehicle belonging to a young woman named Erin Davies was vandalized with the words “fag” and “u r gay” spray painted in red all over her Volkswagen beetle. Instead of recoiling into the shadows of self-pity and shame that often goes hand in hand with any hate crime, Davies decided to thrust herself into the public eye and take her “fag bug” on the road to raise awareness about the regular occurrence of homophobia in this country.

Check in with Lez Keep it Real on Monday, May 14 for an exclusive article with Erin Davies and her “fag bug!”

This week’s Notable Lesbian is:

Barbara Gittings
July 31, 1932 – February 18, 2007

Barbara Gittings was a gay activist who established the first east coast chapter of the first lesbian organization in the United States, the Daughters of Bilitis (DOB), founded in 1955 in San Francisco. She was also instrumental in challenging the American Psychiatric Association’s anti-gay views. Her campaign to promote gay materials and eliminate discrimination in libraries has been recognized by an honorary lifetime membership conferred by the American Library Association in 2003.

Interesting tid bit: Barbara marched in the first gay rights picket lines in the mid-60s at the White House and the Pentagon and at Independence Hall in Philadelphia. The Barbara Gittings Award, given by GLAAD since 2001, is named in her honor.

Read an interview with Barbara.

Today’s Notable Lesbian was suggested by Amy.

If you have a suggestion for a Notable Lesbian, contact me and I’ll highlight her in an upcoming post.

notable lesbian, barbara gittings, daughters of bilitis, american psychiatric association, american library association, gay, lesbian, lesbian activist, glbt organizations, the barbara gittings award, glaad, gay march, lesbian march

The Rainbow Sash Movement (RSM) announced that they will be challenging the practices of the Catholic Church this Pentecost Sunday, May 27. RSM members wear a simple 2-inch wide ribbon of rainbow colors across their shoulders, and respectfully present themselves to receive communion.

Priests have withheld communion from people wearing the rainbow sash in prior appearances by the RSM. According to Joe Murray, US Convener for the RSM, parishioners have taken it upon themselves to share their wafer with ribbon-wearing churchgoers, much to the consternation of the priests.

“For some reason,” says Murray, “Church officials have chosen to go against their own teaching, that individual conscience is paramount in guiding the individual to spirituality. These ill-advised bishops cannot possibly know our hearts when they deny us communion. They actually turn the Holy Eucharist into a weapon of division and exclusion.

“American bishops have a history of viciously opposing equal rights and even civil rights for people whose lifestyle is not ‘traditional.’ In Chicago and New York, they stooped to working against job and housing rights for gays and Lesbians. Today, they are still demanding a 13th century lifestyle where they are the arbiters of right and wrong. They are hopelessly out of touch.”

Murray adds, “Pentecost Sunday celebrates the reunion of ALL of humankind to the Light of God. In this spirit of unity, we will be joined by straight people, bi-sexual people, transgender people, tall people, short people, fat people and thin people. It’s time the bishops catch up with their own congregations.” Announcing their intentions in advance, and asking bishops again to drop their phobic and unscriptural antagonism to people with different orientations, the RSM send the following letter:

Eminences and Excellencies:
The peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you.

I am writing to inform you that members and supporters of the Rainbow Sash Movement will be entering Cathedrals and parish churches around the nation on May 27, 2007, Pentecost Sunday. We come as part of the people of God. Pentecost represents God’s gracious, enabling presence actively at work among Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender people, calling and enabling us to live out in dynamic ways the witness of being part of His people.

Our Catechism defers completely to moral conscience: “In all he says and does, man is obliged to follow faithfully what he knows to be just and right.” This obligation to follow our individual consciences is at the heart of church teaching on moral matters. Truthfulness calls us to disagree with you about Gay Marriage. Would you have us jump the broom stick as slaves did in the past to marry? War and Poverty are the plague, not gay marriage.

I call on you stop manipulating language to hide the reality and truth about Gay and Lesbian marriage and adoption. Such behavior is fruitless. These efforts reflect an hysteria focused on sexual acts. Our lifestyles are far less about sexuality than they are about relationships, exactly the same as heterosexual unions. Your strategy of pitting Social Justice Concerns against Family values and Pro Life issues is smoke and mirrors. It is more an expression of prejudice than any kind of a real argument. Your actions are a sign of diminished moral authority.

Pentecost is a celebration of newness, of recreation, of renewal of purpose, mission, and calling as God’s people. It is a celebration of God’s ongoing work in the world. Yet, it is also a recognition that His work is done through the diversity of His people as He pours out His presence upon them.

The Rainbow Sashes that we wear reflect that we are part of the diversity that is the Church. It is our hope you will not use the Holy Eucharist as a tool of degradation. In the past your decision to do so unjustly denigrated a group of people simply for who they are.

One’s conscience, thoughtfully and honestly formed, supersedes other influences. This is a central tenet of the Catholic faith. Your model of “Error has not right” is not pastoral. How can you know what is in our hearts when you reject us and withhold communication.

Sincerely Yours in Christ,

Joe Murray
US Convener

**This was a recent press release sent out by the RSM **

Somehow I don’t believe that this is significant to the catholic church. I know plenty of fear mongering Christians who preach in the name of the Lord and then teach their children the practice of hate through discrimination of gays and lesbians. I understand that the RSM is trying to make a point here, but why not join a positive church community that accepts all people?

There are plenty of these kinds of churches out there, instead of spending time beating your head against the Catholic church wall
spend time rejoicing with other like minded spiritual individuals.

rainbow sash movement, gay catholic, the catholic church, joe murray, communion, homosexual, religion, gay, lesbian, transgender, light of god, pentecost

Sounds like we’re talking about cartoon characters here. But, really we’re talking about Sheryl Swoopes and Pokey Chapman. Swoopes is the first prominent figure in women’s basketball to really comment on the allegations still in question:

Espn.com - Allegations that former LSU coach Pokey Chatman had an affair with one or more of her players will hurt women’s basketball, WNBA star Sheryl Swoopes said Friday.

Swoopes shared her thoughts on Pokey Chatman in an interview session during her first visit to the Texas Tech campus since coming out in 2005.
Swoopes, who made headlines two years ago by announcing that she was a lesbian, said she hasn’t spoken with Chatman since her resignation in early March.

“If it happened, ethically it’s probably not good,” Swoopes said. “To see something like that happen, whether it’s true or not, I think it’s just very damaging to women’s basketball.”

Swoopes said she feels she understands the challenge Chatman is facing after leaving LSU amid the allegations. The ripple effect, particularly on black female coaches, is difficult to quantify, she said. READ MORE

I have to say that I am glad that someone who is a visble figure, both as a lesbian and as a women’s basketball player, stepped up to weigh in on the Pokey situation. No one else, outside of the coaching staff at LSU, has cared to comment either way. I agree with Swoopes about the fact that this could have an impact of sorts regarding female coaches. However, she seems to think that it will directly impact African American female coaches. I disagree with this. What Pokey has achieved as a coach and what other coaches like Vivian Stringer, Coquese Washington and Dawn Staley have achieved in their respective careers will not be discounted. Who I think this will affect most, are lesbian coaches. This incident, whether true or not, will make it more difficult for women to come out of the closet as coaches because of the implications involved. And with women’s basketball already suffering from a high degree of in-the-closet syndrome, it won’t be any easier to break down that door now. In fact, more lesbian coaches might use this as reinforcement as to why they should stay in the closet.

I’m glad that Swoopes had enough moxie to voice her opinion, but I’m still patiently waiting for Pokey to shed some light on exactly what happened. Maybe if more people like Swoopes start a dialogue about this instead of sweeping it under the rug, Pokey might feel that she has a platform to speak out on her own behalf.

Either way, Swoopes is right: a situation like this, no matter what the outcome, is damaging to women’s basketball.

More information on Pokey and LSU

We’re still playing, “Where’s Pokey.” You’ve played “Where’s Waldo” before, haven’t you? Well, the same rules apply here. If you happen to stumble upon an article or an announcement of Pokey’s whereabouts, heck, if you happen to actually see her somewhere -contact me! Maybe I’ll even throw in a prize!

basketball, women’s basketball, lsu, pokey chapman, espn, sheryl swoopes, allegations, dawn staley, vivian stringer, texas tech, female coaches, lesbian coaches, lesbian, coming out, coming out of the closet, closet

OK. I’m going to put myself out on a limb here and reveal a little secret to you, the reader. Normally, I prefer to keep my secrets close to my vest without the slightest hint or possibility of revealing them. But this particular secret isn’t really a secret to those who know me best. So I figure that sharing it with you, dear reader, wouldn’t be that big of a deal. All I ask is that you don’t judge me or make certain assumptions based on what I am about to say. Well, here goes …

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This week’s Come Out & Play post spotlights Jen Austin, author of the book, Coming Out Christian and radio personality for Mix 102.9 and Pride Radio in Dallas, TX.

As we all know, coming out is an extremely life altering, self-evaluating process. Now imagine if the very core of your identity was at odds because of your strong religious convictions versus your sexuality?

The following is Jen’s coming out story …
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Yay for my home state. I’ve had thoughts of packing up and moving before, but seeing as how things in the good ol’ Empire State are a’changin for the good, I just might stick around a little longer …

Same-sex couples holding marriage licenses from places that allow same-sex marriage are now eligible for health benefits through a state health insurance plan, as well as other benefits, officials said.

The new policy, which went into effect Tuesday after Gov. Eliot Spitzer ordered it, requires the state Department of Civil Service to extend to same-sex couples spousal benefits eligibility in the New York State Health Insurance Program. READ MORE

Frank Russo, state director of the American Family Association of New York, based in Port Washington, said the move was a mistake that could be costly to taxpayers.

Oh, how I LOVE this spin … first, he’s basically saying that homosexuals aren’t worth a dime, literally, since we’d have to pay to give them equal rights. Who wants to do that, right? Why spend that money when we can build another baseball stadium for the Yanks and Mets to play in. Secondly, when you really think about it, doesn’t it make sense that it would be cheaper to have homosexual couples on each other’s health insurance. Basically, it’s a two for one deal … when you pay person by person it actually costs more.

Leave it up to the AFA to try and make a case against equality. The fact that they claim they are a “family oriented” organization and promote “traditional family values” burns me to the core. I guess, what they are saying, is that inequality is something everyone should include in their family value plan …

This week’s Notable Lesbian is:

Lillian Parr
1905 - 1978

Lilly Parr was an exceptional football player (soccer) and is best known for playing for The Dick, Kerr Ladies team, founded in 1917 and based in Lancashire, England. She played against both male and female teams and scored 43 goals in her first season at only 14 years old. She would go on to score more than 900 goals throughout her career (1919-1951). In 2002, she was the only woman to be made an Inaugural Inductee into the English Football Hall of Fame.

Interesting tid bit: Lilly came from a working class background and with the help of her partner, Mary, she was the first member of her family to own her own home. She died of breast cancer in 1978 .

Learn more about Lilly Parr

If you have a suggestion for a Notable Lesbian, contact me and I’ll highlight her in an upcoming post.

gay, lesbian, notable lesbians, lillian parr, breast cancer, soccer, footbal, english football hall of fame, english football, the dick kerr ladies, lancashire, england

I’m not kidding … this is a real article from The Daily Telegraph:

LESBIANS are twice as likely as heterosexual women to be overweight or obese, which puts them at greater risk for obesity-related health problems and death, US researchers said.

The report, published in the American Journal of Public Health, is one of the first large studies to look at obesity among lesbians.

Ulrike Boehmer of the Boston University School of Public Health and colleagues looked at a 2002 national survey of almost 6000 women, and found that lesbians were 2.69 times more likely to be overweight and 2.47 times more likely to be obese. READ MORE

Thankfully I’m quite athletic, so being a lesbian doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to be obese. Sure, I agree that lesbians are more comfortable with themselves and their body. But we were conditioned to be that way since we had to become comfortable with our own sexuality first. Once that is accomplished, the comfort sort of seeps in to other aspects of our self image. We gain so much pride in coming out, pride in ourselves and who we are that it becomes almost second nature.

I don’t think that we are so prideful that it translates to gluttony though. I think that what this study fails to point out is that we are women, and women gain weight more easily than men. Trust me when I say you don’t find a herd of lesbians stacked up two by two in front of an all you can eat buffet or hanging out at the local McDonald’s to bond over a big mac and fries. Studies do offer some insight into certain things, but I’m not sure this is one of them. Just take the so-called study that was done about homosexuals having a shorter life span.

Right … like I’m going to believe that one just because it was labled a “study.”

Here’s another study that’s quite perplexing.

The point is this: don’t believe everything you read.

I think I’m going to go “study” a six pack of Pete’s Wicked Strawberry Blonde and see if it makes me any more attractive to straight girls. I’ll let you know the results…

obese, obese lesbians, overweight lesbians, pete’s wicked strawberry ale, straight girls, heterosexual, pride, self image, body image, the daily telegraph, life span, homosexual life span

As kids, we are often asked the ever-ambiguous question, “What do you want to be when you grow up? My answer (aside from rock star, actress and writer) was a professional basketball player.

OK, so I happen to be only 5’3” (5’4” with high tops on) and a woman. But even so, as a young, dreamy-eyed tomboy I still thought that I could break the mold and be the first woman athlete to play professionally in a male dominated sport. Why not? For me, there was no women’s league that I could dream of playing in. All I had was the NBA. So, along with my brothers, I had posters of Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan on my wall. I was a regular kid athlete with stars in my eyes and lofty dreams of signing a sneaker deal with Nike. I scoffed at those who said, “You can’t play in the NBA, you’re a girl.” And I kept on playing, with my head high, volunteering for my brother’s pick-up games just to prove that I could play with the big boys.

My how times have changed. Unlike me, young girls today, those with exalted aspirations of being a professional athlete, have the WNBA to look up to. When asked what they want to be when they grow up, they can flash a knowing smile and say proudly, “I want to play in the WNBA.” And no one will tell them they can’t simply because they are a girl.

These days, girls across the country have posters of Diana Taurasi and Sheryl Swoopes on their walls, they imagine holding up a shiny new jersey of the team that just drafted them number one over all in the WNBA draft, and they tune into the all star game just to see their favorite player bounce the familiar orange and oatmeal colored ball between her legs.

They look up to these players with a newfound respect and admiration because they are women. Women who are as athletically gifted as they are intellectually sound. And, more significantly, women who play professional basketball.

Do you think that for a second, these same young girls would think less of these women if they knew some of them were lesbians? Do you think that it would lessen the impact that these players have on them?

I highly doubt it.

The truth is that all these girls care about is whether or not Diana Taurasi scores from the three-point line or if Lisa Leslie is going to dunk next time she drives the lane.

So tell me then, why the WNBA continues to avoid the lesbian word as if it’s steaming pit of bubbling hot tar?

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