Lez Keep It Real

I’ve been a tomboy for as long as I can remember. I liked to play in the mud, tossed around the football with my brothers and even ran around with my shirt off. My mom used to complain that she would have to tie my hair in ribbons and constantly pull up my pants. Five minutes later my hair would be running wild, the ribbons would be sprawled out across the lawn and my pants would be hanging slightly below my hips.

Not much has changed since then.

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Lee Quillian took hold of the zipper that had become her tongue and unzipped her mouth, letting loose the long-held secret that she was not only gay, but a decorated Navy officer. After serving 20 years under the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, Quillian courageously and proudly told her story of silence to over 100 members of Congress.

The Advocate -

“I didn’t want to lie about my life, but I didn’t broadcast,” Quillian told The Advocate Wednesday in a phone interview. “I had to be quiet about the people I was spending my time with back home.”

Invited by Massachusetts Representative Marty Meehan and Senator Hillary Clinton of New York, Quillian, with three other service members, discussed with members of both houses of Congress the implications of being a gay service member under the military’s ban on openly gay service personnel.

While in the Navy, Quillian earned two commendation medals and four achievement medals and performed missile interception operations at the beginning of the Iraq war.

Her longtime partner, whom she met in the Navy, was discharged under “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

Quillian has spent a lot of time educating her colleagues, and now members of Congress, about the policy and its enforcement.

“There is a misunderstanding about the policy, about how it is interpreted,” she said.

Representative Meehan’s bill to repeal “don’t ask” currently has 125 Democratic and Republican cosponsors in the House. At least 218 House votes are needed to pass the bill.

Servicemembers Legal Defense Network director of communications Steve Ralls said that the Senate could have a matching bill by the end of the year.

A House hearing focusing on dismissed lesbian and gay Arabic-speaking linguists has been requested. Committee chair Ike Skelton has not yet granted that hearing.

“Educating key decision makers in Congress is essential to continuing to build momentum for repeal, and this week’s briefing went a long way in doing just that,” Ralls said.

“The voices of those who have served are the most effective way to garner support, and the four veterans present on Tuesday helped immeasurably in moving our cause forward.”

Asked if she thought “don’t ask, don’t tell” will be repealed, Quillian said, “I feel that it could be. Maybe not within this current administration, but repealing it has to start within the ranks.”

While I do agree with the banning of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” I wonder if it would lessen the acts of violence and discrimination on gays in the military by other servicemen. Maybe the government needs to take it a step further and offer diversity courses as part of the required military training regiment. Unfortunately, being out in the open in a military environment might possibly attract even more acts of discrimination.

What do you think?

gay military, gay navy officer don’t ask, don’t tell, hillary clinton, lee quillian, discrimination, banning don’t ask don’t tell, the advocate, marty meehan

This week’s Come Out & Play post spotlights Courtney, an 18-year-old student at University of Nebraska-Lincoln. Courtney e-mailed me her story through OurChart, a lesbian social-networking site spun from the L Word.

This is Courtney’s story:

I knew I was gay all throughout high school. Coming out, on the other hand, I had decided to push off until college… that was until I couldn’t take pretending to be straight anymore.

One of my best friends was the resident lesbian in our medium-sized
conservative high school. I’ll call her “Jordan.” She was beautiful,
smart, and always knew what she wanted. Yet, at the beginning of my junior year Jordan was the last of my friends that I came out to. It was Monday morning late November. I pulled her away from our loud, and quite large, group of friends. I came out, and she was surprisingly shocked. She thought she had the best gaydar possible, but missed me by a mile. Later that day she asked me to dinner. “No pressure,” she said. “I just want to talk.” That night I told her I didn’t want to date anyone in high school. She seemed oddly disappointed, but I ignored her behavior.

Wednesday came with the movie theater premier of RENT! Of course being the drama nerds of our high school, most of our group of friends attended. Unknowingly to me, Jordan made sure that we were sitting next to each other and our sexual tension began.

The next day was Thanksgiving. At the time, I worked at the movie theater and had to work that night. Jordan came in crying with her best friend because of something her mother did or said. When she came up to the counter to buy Harry Potter tickets, I asked “do you want a hug?” Now, Jordan was never one that needed comfort. Anyone else, I knew she’d automatically say “No, I’m fine.” But on that strange night she allowed me to hug her. I joined Jordan and her best friend later that night. We hung out at Hy-Vee until the wee hours of the morning. We talked, laughed, and discussed the beautiful celebrities we had lesbian crushes on. When I got
home, I found Jordan was already online. We started talking, one thing led to another, and she told me she liked me. I sort of figured, but was still completely shocked that this confident, insanely sexy, intelligent girl wanted me. We planned to meet Saturday morning at Panera Bread.

We both later confessed to almost ditching the other at Panera that morning. As fate would have it, we didn’t. Instead we spent our discussion whether to date or not on a small couch in the corner. With Jordan scooting towards me every chance she could, I almost leaped off the couch in sexual frustration. We didn’t get anywhere in our discussion, so I went home while she headed to work.

The next day, Sunday, we met up and went to Barnes and Noble to hang out before going to our friend Kaylene’s house. We sat in the Children’s Department contemplating our dating situation. Obviously, we both think way more than needed. But when the store was closing and our time running short, I got up to face Jordan. She stood on the kids’ bench above me while she asked “do you want to?” I took her hand, helped her down, and said “yes.”

In six short days I went from barely coming out to being in my first lesbian relationship. My parents later found out of my orientation through the grapevine and didn’t take it well. Jordan and I dated for almost a year, ending our relationship in her first college semester while I was still stuck in high school. Eight months after our breakup, we don’t talk much but are fairly friendly when we run into each other. I am comfortable with my sexuality and have dated other girls since.

Tune in every Friday for the Come Out & Play series, featuring coming out stories of celebrities, every day people, personal reflections, advice, tid bits and everything else concerning the complicated world of coming out!

Got an interesting coming out story to tell? Contact me and I will feature it in an upcoming post of Come Out & Play.

come out and play, coming out stories, come out, coming out high school, our chart, the l word

Remember the “fag bug?” Here’s an update from Erin Davies herself:

So this past week, after nine days of having my car re-vandalized, I finally restored my car to the way she was. I asked several body shops to restore it for me but none of them would touch it. Everyone was afraid they’d lose their jobs or wife and kids. I felt that even though it was one of the most awkward things I’ve ever had to do, to do it myself, I think I was meant to face that challenge. Knowing I’ve had one person accuse me of doing it myself go out of their way to remove it and try to stop my campaign and cross country trip, well I just have to be confident in my decision. It is in line with everything I’ve done so far. I chose to keep the words on my car to not “cover” them up and make them visible. So I am not going to let someone “cover” them up for me. It is my choice when and if I am going to do that, not someone else’s. To view pictures of the fagbug restoration go to www.myspace.com/fagbug and click on pictures.

Also, fagbug stickers are available through online ordering at www.fagbug.com. If you’d like to help with the costs for my cross country trip in a small way, please order some stickers!

Erin Davies will be guest posting every Thursday to let us us know where the “fag bug” is going on its cross-country journey, and what she’s been up to along the way. Keep a look out to see where the “fag bug” has been spotted next!

Erin Davies, fag bug, hate crime, fag bug campaign, activism on wheels

Sigh. As if this administration couldn’t get any worse. It seems that Bush is trying to pull out all the stops before his run is over. We’re only a year and a half from the end of his reign, but the decisions he makes from here on out could affect us for years to come.

He’s nominated and appointed numerous corrupt individuals, liars, shady business associates and all-around scum to critical government posts. And now you can add “bigot” to the list. It’s nepotism at its finest.

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This week’s Notable Lesbian is:

Kathryn Ann “Kate” Fleming
October 6, 1965 - December 14, 2006

Kate was the owner and executive producer at Cedar House Audio, an audio production company specializing in spoken word. After a stint as a professional actor, she branched into audio books in the mid-1990s. In 2004 she won the distinguished Audie Award for Unabridged Fiction for All Over Creation by Ruth Ozeki - which in a review was called “just about perfect.”

Some of her favorite works to narrate included Bel Canto by Ann Patchett, The Falls by Joyce Carol Oates and any title by Louise Edrich. Unfortunately, Kate died on December 14, 2006 in a freak accident. She is survived by her partner of nine years, Charlene Strong.

Interesting tid bit:
Kate narrated over 250 audio books and was known worldwide for her superb narration work under the name of “Anna Fields.” Anna Fields was Kate’s great grandmother. She was an actress at the turn of the last century. Known for her beautiful singing voice, she was called, “the Nightingale.”

Kate Flemming was, in a nutshell, an artist, a singer, successful business owner, beautiful dancer, beloved friend, and loving partner.

Purchase an audio book narrated by Kate

If you have a suggestion for a Notable Lesbian, e-mail me at lyndsey.darcangelo@451press.net or use the contact form above and I’ll highlight her in an upcoming post.

kate fleming, cedar house audio, spoken word, narrator, gay narrator, anna fields, louise edrich, charlene strong, audie award winner, all over creation, joyce carol oates

Money, apparently.

According to a study called, “Love Counts: The Economic Benefits of Marriage Equality for New York,” the 50,854 same-sex couples that rare registered as residing in New York state would cause a huge influx of revenue from local taxes, city marriage license fees and personal spending.

The Advocate -

“Legalizing marriage for same-sex couples in New York would have impacts beyond allowing individuals to make the full legal commitments to their partners that opposite-sex couples take for granted,” Comptroller William Thompson said in the report.

The report also foresees more than 56,000 couples from other states visiting the Big Apple to get married, including those from nearby New Jersey, Connecticut and Pennsylvania.

Nancy Swartz, a videographer based in New York who specializes in capturing gay ceremonies, said that she anticipates a significant growth in her business if same-sex marriage is passed.

“My business did increase from New Jersey [civil unions] when the law passed,” she said of her company, MarryMeGay.com.

“Couples that I talked to in New Jersey after civil unions were passed said that they wanted to do it, so they just did it. I think a lot of New York couples will do the same.”

Swartz said she is sought out by gay and lesbian couples because of her approach to documenting their special day.

“A lot of traditional videographers who do straight weddings have a formula, whereas gay couples all have their own stories that have to be told a certain way,” she said.

“Sometimes one bride will wear a dress, and sometimes both wear a dress. Other times they get ready together. I capture their stories more individually. The couples don’t have to explain who they are. There is no exception.”

Part of the $142 million uptick for New York City’s economy would be a $58 million spending boom from couples and guests coming to visit the city for destination weddings. Increased rates of homeownership among couples could generate $40 million in real estate taxes for New York City alone.

Though couples would still not be allowed to file jointly on their federal income taxes because of the Defense of Marriage Act, New York companies would be required to grant benefits for employees’ spouses and families.

About 211,000 New York City-based firms would pay a total of $11 million per year in health insurance costs for dependents, while approximately 503,000 state companies would pay about $21 million annually for the additional coverage.

Additionally, those who receive assistance from the state’s Medicaid program may become ineligible for those benefits if they marry someone whose income or assets are sufficient to lift them above the income and asset thresholds for these programs.

Thompson estimated that the State would save about $110 million in Medicaid outlays over the three-year period looked at in the report.

hmmm, remember when Frank Russo, state director of the American Family Association of New York, based in Port Washington, said that allowing gay couples in New York to marry was a mistake that could be costly to taxpayers. Maybe I should send him the information about this report.

Now, I know that some studies can be bunk.
But this one seems to have been researched thoroughly and with reliable statistics. If this country, which has seen a economic downturn lately, needs to up its revenue - legalizing gay marriage might be a viable option. Forget the moral complexities, when it comes right down to it, money is what matters. Right? OK, I’m being a bit cynical. But hey, we went to war based on money and oil? Didn’t we?

Moving on … Those who know me know that I’m not advocating that we legalize gay marriage in New York just for sake of a few million dollars. But, I admit that it does help our case. Especially since there are those members of the AFA trying to say that it would actually cost more to do so. I’m waiting for Frank Russo to eat some humble pie, stick his foot in his mouth, eat his words … you get the picture. Actually, if he just shut his big, fat bigot mouth altogether, that would be enough for me.

Elsewhere in 451press news: A teacher gets suspended for comparing the word “gay” to the “N” word, Lindsey Lohan and Vanessa Millano doll out some lesbianish poses in these racy photos, eco-friendly cleaning products, and a view of Bush that seems to be a reoccurring national consensus.

Check in tomorrow for The “fag bug” has been spotted, to see what Erin Davies is up to.

gay marriage, legalizing gay marriage in new york state, american family association, frank russo, love counts, gay marriage study, marriage equality, gay marriage debate, lindsey lohan, vanessa millano, mayrmegay.com

Excuse my ignorance, but I thought that our forefathers built this
nation on one sound principal, paving the way for future governing bodies to abide by in order to maintain a sense of balance and unbiased decision making. I thought that separation of church and state was still a known and active governing rule. My bad.

It seems that now more than ever, the whole idea of separation of church and state is falling by the wayside. Even on the Democratic side of things, 2008 candidates are being pressed about their religions beliefs. If separation of church and state really mattered, then why would people care if Hillary’s (now portraying herself as a martyr) faith in God got her through her marital strife? They wouldn’t wonder if Barack Obama practiced Muslim or that Mitt Romney was a Mormon.

But people do care. Otherwise it wouldn’t be all over the news.

Gay.com - The personal faith of candidates has become a very public part of the 2008 presidential campaign.

Seven years after George W. Bush won the presidency in part with a direct appeal to conservative religious voters — he cited Jesus Christ as his favorite philosopher during one debate — it seems all the leading presidential candidates are discussing their religious and moral beliefs, even when they’d rather not.

Democratic Sens. Hillary Rodham Clinton and Barack Obama have hired strategists to focus on reaching religious voters. Obama’s campaign holds a weekly conference call with key supporters in early primary and caucus states whose role is to spread the candidate’s message to religious leaders and opinionmakers and report their concerns to the campaign.

Democrats in general are targeting moderate Roman Catholics, mainline Protestants and even evangelicals, hoping to enlist enough voters for whom religious and moral issues are a priority to put together a winning coalition.

Next week, Clinton, Obama and former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards are scheduled to address liberal evangelicals at a forum on “faith, values and poverty.” READ MORE

Liberal evangelicals? Isn’t that an oxymoron? I digress. The point is this - the equality issues facing the gay community, issues that are influenced, determined and set forth as policy and/or into law by our government (i.e. gay marriage, gays in the military) are directly affected by elected officials who let their religious beliefs play more of a role in their political decision making.

As part of the homosexual population, and well-aware of how some religions abhor the very life I lead, I’m a tad bit concerned about the the influence of religion on the 2008 campaign which carries a wealth of weighty implications.

Separation of church AND state. What’s next to go? All men are created equal?

At least the Democratic candidates oppose “don’t ask, don’t tell.”
What’s that pearl of wisdom Hillary shared with us the other day … “You don’t have to be straight, to shoot straight.”
Personally, I think that should be the new slogan for Army.com

democratic campaign, 2008 campaign, separation of church and state, religious implications, barack obama, hillary clinton, mitt romney, john edwards, don’t ask don’t tell, george w. bush, gay marriage, gays in the military

Let’s face it. Lesbians come in all sorts of colors – from femme to butch to everything else in between. However, I wasn’t aware of this kind of categorization when I first came out, until a friend of mine teased me about being attracted to “femmes”. OK, I thought, whatever that means. Since then I’ve heard about a billion and one different names to describe this or that type of lesbian. So I did a little digging to see what the most common categories were. I talked with friends, looked on the Internet and consulted some magazines.

Here is what I came up with. (Some of which flat out made me laugh!)
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This week’s Come Out & Play post spotlights Lance Bass, former NSync member, aspiring astronaut and wanna be actor.

Lance Bass burst onto the pop scene with his smooth, baritone that often held NSync’s signature harmonies together like super glue. With their synchronized dance moves and titillating live shows (in which they never sunk to Ashley Simpson or Britney Spears standards by using a backing track I might add), it was easy to see why billions of weeping prepubescent girls, trillions of significantly sexually neglected housewives, and hoards of closeted lesbians (myself happily included) fell desperately in love with each and every band member.

Lance was billed as the shy one, since he was hardly animated in interviews and often let his harmonizing counterparts bask in the limelight while he stood contently in the background. He never spoke of girlfriends, conquests or otherwise. And, when asked, he made up the “qualities” he’d like to find in a woman or described the perfect date for prying teeny bopper magazines worldwide just for the mere fun of it.

Time passed, and Lance eventually grew out of NSync as did the rest of the group. He tried his hand at acting, and by tried I mean he gave it the ol’ college try. Then he revisited a long lost childhood dream of being an astronaut, went to space camp and was eventually detoured journeying to space because he couldn’t secure enough funding. Poor Lance. Where would he go from there? Maybe with nothing left to do but twiddle his thumbs and watch Justin’s solo career sore, Lance was left with only one option - face a sexuality he had been so carefully hiding like a secret stack of Playboys, or Playgirls in this case, under his featherbed.

I wasn’t there, nor was I in Lance’s head. But, knowing what I know about the wonderful world of coming out, I can assume he went through all of the key stages: denial, curiosity, fear, anxiety and finally, acceptance. I know the last stage to be true because Lance chose to come out last fall. And, I guess if you are going to come out, you may as well come out all the way. What’s that saying? Go BIG or go home.

Lance told his story to People magazine. How bigger can one go?

July 2006 ~

“I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys’ careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything,” says Bass, referring to bandmates Joey Fatone, Chris Kirkpatrick, JC Chasez and Justin Timberlake.

“I didn’t know: Could that be the end of ’N Sync? So I had that weight on me of like, ‘Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it’s bad.’ So I just never did,” he says speaking about his sexual orientation for the first time with People.

Now, after years of keeping his personal life private, the Mississippi-bred, Southern Baptist-reared Bass, 27, is publicly revealing what he first shared with his friends, then his shocked family.

“He took years to really think about how he was going to tell everyone,” says his close buddy Fatone, 29, who was the first ‘N Sync bandmate to find out Bass is gay. “I back him up 100 percent.” Adds Bass’s longtime pal, actress Christina Applegate: “I’ve always accepted him as who he is. It’s about his own serenity at this point.”

Having pursued acting, producing and – most memorably – space flight after ’N Sync went on hiatus in 2002, Bass now is looking ahead to new beginnings. He is in a “very stable” relationship with model-actor-Amazing Race winner Reichen Lehmkuhl, 32, and is developing an Odd Couple-inspired sitcom pilot with Fatone in which his character will be gay.

Mostly, though, he’s just enjoying the relief that comes with the culmination of a long, at times emotionally fraught journey.

“The thing is, I’m not ashamed – that’s the one thing I want to say,” he explains of his decision to come out. “I don’t think it’s wrong, I’m not devastated going through this. I’m more liberated and happy than I’ve been my whole life. I’m just happy.”

As for why he’s talking about this now, Bass says, “The main reason I wanted to speak my mind was that (the rumors) really were starting to affect my daily life. Now it feels like it’s on my terms. I’m at peace with my family, my friends, myself and God so there’s really nothing else that I worry about.”

Since coming out in late summer of 2006, Lance has been embraced by the gay community. And why not? He’s got a pair of soft green eyes that would melt any queen’s icy heart. The gay world is a better place with Lance in it.

Keep an eye out for Lance’s tell-all book, called “Out of Sync.” Lame, I know. Personally, I think it should be called “Fish out of Water.” Get it. Bass. Fish. Eh, never mind.

Tune in every Friday for the Come Out & Play series, featuring coming out stories of celebrities, every day people, personal reflections, advice, tid bits and everything else concerning the complicated world of coming out!

Got an interesting coming out story to tell? Contact me and I will feature it in an upcoming post of Come Out & Play.

come out and play, lance bass, nsync, out of sync, on the line, people magazine, lance comes out to people, justin timberlake, jc chasez, joy fatone, chris kirkpatrick, astronaut, reichen lehmkuhl