Lez Keep It Real

In keeping with the sports theme from yesterday, I decided to post this article from the LA Times because I think that it is important to send the message to GLBT teens that you can be both an athlete and an openly gay individual at the same time.

Young and out on the field

Seattle — The guys in his boat took to calling him “Badger” because of the grimace he wore during races. Part of a junior rowing club that ranked among the fastest in the nation, Lucas Goodman was relentless on the water.

It was a different story on land.

The teenager with the powerful build and close-set eyes had to be careful. He hung back ever so slightly when teammates shot the breeze, talking about girls.

“You get tired of constantly watching what you say, constantly watching how you act,” he said. “You’re almost paranoid.”

Goodman felt so uneasy that he finally told the Green Lake Crew his secret: He is gay.

The 18-year-old belongs to an emerging generation of openly gay and lesbian athletes on high school and college campuses across the country. These young men and women are quietly venturing where no pro football or baseball star has gone, challenging the conformist, if not downright homophobic, tradition of the playing fields.

Their numbers are difficult to gauge because many confide only in peers. Experts chart the trend anecdotally through athletes who join gay rights clubs at school, e-mail gay rights advocates for advice or announce their sexual orientation on websites such as Facebook and MySpace.

“This is an issue that’s in transition even as we speak,” said Jay Coakley, a noted scholar and author on sports culture. “We’re looking at how the world is changing.”

Not all the stories have happy endings — a high school football player in Northern California tells of being ostracized. But others, such as a Delaware runner and a Georgia hockey player, say they were welcomed by their teams.

Sociologists see the openness as a generational shift. Polls suggest a growing percentage of young people have more relaxed views about sexual orientation than their parents did.

In Seattle, Goodman began dropping hints around his eight-man boat more than a year ago. He talked with his best friend, and with another rower who seemed both understanding and physically large enough to make a good ally.

When word spread, no one teased or whispered about him. The crew saves money by sharing hotel beds on the road, and the teammate who bunks with Goodman didn’t mind.

“So what if I sleep in the same bed with a straight guy or with Lucas?” Casey Ellis asked. “Either way, there’s going to be another guy there with me.”

Within a few weeks, Goodman figures, the surprise of his announcement wore off and “it ended up not being that big a deal.”

Which is what makes his story, and others like it, a very big deal.

So many professional athletes today are afraid to cross the boundaries that separate their sport from their sexuality. One of the reasons I spoke about Sheryl Swoopes yesterday is because I think she is a great role model for young, gay athletes. Now, I am not saying that all gay athletes on the professional level need to come out of the closet. I believe it is their right to do as they see fit, regarding their own lives. But I also believe that those athletes who are “out in the field,” are doing a wonderful and courageous thing by paving the way for others who desire to walk the path those out athletes already tread.

There is nothing wrong with being a young, gay athlete. And unfortunately, by continuing to hide from our sexuality on the professional athletic level we are saying that it is wrong and that one cannot co-exist with the other. Sheryl Swoopes doesn’t think the world is ready for the professional gay athlete yet. She may be right. But one thing we’ve learned throughout the years is that the world is constantly changing.

And, it is apparent that an emerging generation of gay athletes in high school and college is already changing the rules.

Unfortunately, you have to sign up at the LA Times website to read the rest of the article. It’s such a good read that I decided to post the rest of it below. It’s long, but worth it.

(more…)

I like giving press to Sheryl Swoopes, because she is one of the only gay women out there with enough “hutzpa” to be out and proud in the WNBA. It’s been almost two years since she came out, and her popularity as one of the most visible faces in the WNBA has not suffered in the least.

So, when I came across this recent interview on AfterEllen.com, I thought I’d share it with the Lez Keep it Real audience as well. After all, Swoopes knows how to “keep it real,” no matter what people think or say about her. You have to respect that, even if you aren’t a basketball fan.

In the interview, Swoopes talks candidly about her plans to open a sports bar; the lack of women coaches in the WNBA; the sacrifices of her partner, Alisa Scott, has had to make since she came out; and starring in NBA Street Homecourt, the first-ever video game to feature WNBA players.

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This week’s Come Out & Play post continues to spotlight Marco, a well-known character from the hit show, Degrassi.

Basically, Degrassi is a totally awesome show! (That’s my inner 80’s child coming through!) There’s an openly gay character on the show named Marco DelRossi. His inner struggle with coming out was made into a two-part episode a couple of years ago. It was brilliantly scripted and just as wonderfully acted. Other episodes followed, revolving around his coming out to his family and friends. I thought I’d show it as a series, breaking it down in video clips from YouTube. Remember the days when you’d watch a film in class, knowing you wouldn’t have to sit through another lecture for at least a week because that’s how long it would take to get through the film in the amount of time the class allotted. Well, think of this as a Come Out & Play 101 film! It’s broken up into nine parts.

(If you are confused and missed the introduction of Marco’s story, go here for a refresher. To view the other parts of Marco’s story, click on the Come Out & Play category on the right hand side to watch parts 1-3!)

This is Marco’s story part 4:

Make sure to come back next Friday for the fifth part of Marco’s coming out story! Trust me, it only gets better!

Tune in every Friday for the Come Out & Play series, featuring coming out stories of celebrities, every day people, personal reflections, advice, tid bits and everything else concerning the complicated world of coming out!

Got an interesting coming out story to tell? Contact me and I will feature it in an upcoming post of Come Out & Play.

degrassi, marco delrossi, come out & play, coming out story, canada, gay and lesbian issues

This week’s Notable Lesbian is:

Angela Yvonne Davis
Born January 26, 1944

Angela Davis is an American socialist organizer, professor who was associated with the Black Panther Party. She first achieved nationwide notoriety when she was linked to the murder of judge Harold Haley during an attempted Black Panther prison break; she fled underground, and was the subject of an intense manhunt. After 18 months as a fugitive, she was captured, arrested, tried, and eventually acquitted in one of the most famous trials in recent U.S. history. She is currently Professor of History of Consciousness at the University of California and Presidential Chair at the University of California, Santa Cruz. She works for racial and gender equality and for prison abolition.

Interesting tid bit:
Davis is a founder of the anti-prison grassroots organization Critical Resistance. In 1972, John Lennon and Yoko Ono released the song “Angela” about her and the Rolling Stones released “Sweet Black Angel,” both of which chronicled her legal problems and advocated for her release. The 1976 film Network features a parody of her in its character Laureen Hobbs.

“It is both humiliating and humbling to discover that a single generation after the events that constructed me as a public personality, I am remembered as a hairdo.” ~ Angela Davis

If you have a suggestion for a Notable Lesbian, e-mail me at lyndsey.darcangelo@451press.net or use the contact form above and I’ll highlight her in an upcoming post.

the black panthers, angela yvonne davis, notable lesbians, university of california

Introducing the “happiest gay couple in all the world,” Rick and Steve. Thanks to the LOGO network, gay programming has achieved new heights. Now, an animated comedy based on short films by Q. Allan Brocka is reaching even higher.

(more…)

CHARLESTON, South Carolina — Democratic presidential candidates faced questions directly from voters on Monday in the first CNN/YouTube debate.Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and Gov. Bill Richardson listen to a YouTuber’s question.

The lights and cameras were focused on the eight candidates, but it was the personal, heartfelt and, at times, comical nature of the user questions that stole the spotlight.

Questions included one from a father who lost a son in Iraq and wondered if he would lose another, a gay couple asking why they shouldn’t be allowed to marry and a woman stricken with breast cancer who asked if her chance of survival would be better if she had health insurance.

In all, 39 questions were asked from the 3,000 submissions YouTube said it received.

Most observers agreed that none of the candidates debating at The Citadel in Charleston, South Carolina, particularly outshined their rivals, doing nothing to challenge Sen. Hillary Clinton’s position as the Democratic race’s front-runner. ~ CNN.com

READ MORE

The lead-off question was posed by a voter name Zach who, upon approaching the mic, said simply, “Wassup?” Then, “Can you as politicians … actually answer questions rather than beat around the Bush?”

My assumption is that the pun was fully intended.

The answer of course, was yes. As the debate went on, a slew of rather blunt and colloquial questions were asked. Each candidate answered candidly to questions such as, “Are you feminine enough,” “Are you black enough,” and my personal favorite, “How are you going to do be any different [than the current administration]?”

That’s exactly what I wanted to know.

I’m not a democrat. I’m not a republican. But I am a citizen of this country whose vote counts just as much. For me, it doesn’t come down to party affiliation. It comes down to who I think would be the best person for the job, and who I think would make choices and decisions based on what was best for the people of this country and not based on their own religious doctrine, party affiliation, the fattening of their pockets or their own political agenda.

I’m a pretty positive person, but I must admit that I’m not too optimistic about the current direction our government is going. Like the rest of the people in this country who have become numb to politics do to the consistent appalling, scandalous and self-righteous acts of our President and other government officials, I need to see some kind of change for the better. I need to see less talk and more action. I can’t just go on the word of Obama or the promises of Hillary. I need to see it to believe it folks. And until I do, I can only take their words at face value.

Here’s a clip from the debate that includes the question of gay marriage. If you missed it – take a gander. It’s worth it.

cnn, cnn.com, democratic debate, hillary clinton, barack obama, john edwards, bill richardson, you tube debate

The title of this post isn’t cute or clever - it’s straight to the point. Teen suicide among GLBT youth is still at an alarming and overwhelming high. I haven’t touched on the subject as yet, not for any other reason than the fact that I was looking for the right way to go about it. I wanted to be able to inform, educate and affect the Lez Keep it Real audience the best way I possibly could.

I’m obsessed with GAYBC radio. (this will make sense in a moment, I promise that it’s not some random tangent.) I listen to it while I am at work through the internet, pounding away on the keyboard. When I’m writing, I need noise in the background. Even if I’m only half listening. This particular broadcast, however, distracted me because it was such an intense topic. I basically had to wait and listen to it over lunch so that I could give it my full attention.

I’ve talked about GAYBC radio before.
John McMullen does an amazing job interviewing Benjie Nycum (Micheal Glatze’s former partner) while touching on a sensitive subject. He knows how to ask the right questions, the tough questions and the questions no one else would dare to ask. He poses them in such a way that they aren’t imposing, offensive or assuming. I like his style and I like the way he presents his radio show.

Now for the connection to GLBT teen suicide. I found an old archived show (from a couple of weeks ago) about teen suicide. McMullen interviewed Charles Robbing, executive director of the Trevor Project. (The Trevor Project operates the nations only 24/7 suicide & crisis prevention helpline for gay and questioning youth.) It’s a wonderful interview and accomplishes exactly what I wanted to get across when I thought about writing on GLBT teen suicide. I couldn’t do it any better. So, here you go:

Listen. Learn. Lament for those we have lost.

Thoughts are welcome.

charles robbins, the trevor project, john mcmullen, gaybc radio, glbt teen suicide

This week’s Come Out & Play post continues to spotlight Marco, a well-known character from the hit show, Degrassi. 

Basically, Degrassi is a totally awesome show! (That’s my inner 80’s child coming through!) There’s an openly gay character on the show named Marco DelRossi. His inner struggle with coming out was made into a two-part episode a couple of years ago. It was brilliantly scripted and just as wonderfully acted. Other episodes followed, revolving around his coming out to his family and friends. I thought I’d show it as a series, breaking it down in video clips from YouTube. Remember the days when you’d watch a film in class, knowing you wouldn’t have to sit through another lecture for at least a week because that’s how long it would take to get through the film in the amount of time the class allotted. Well, think of this as a Come Out & Play 101 film! It’s broken up into nine parts. 

(If you are confused and missed the introduction of Marco’s story, go here for a refresher. To view the other parts of Marco’s story, click on the Come Out & Play category on the right hand side to watch parts 1-2!) This is Marco’s story part 3:

Make sure to come back next Friday for the fourth part of Marco’s coming out story! Trust me, it only gets better! 

As a side note, I’m sure all of you have read about Michael Glatze on many GLBT blogs. He’s a former gay activist turned Christian right fear-monger. Seriously, no joke. I didn’t write about him because, at the time, I just didn’t have the stomach to digest it and regurgitate my opinion. Plus, plenty of other blogs tackled the heaviness of the story in a respectable manner.

Recently, however, I came across a sound clip from the GAYBC Radio Network. Benjie Nycum, Glatze’s former partner, was being interviewed. He speaks quite candidly about their relationship and his point of view about where Glatze’s sudden turn around might be coming from. More importantly, he shows a different side of Glatze - a side that is important for us to be aware of. Here is a man who has yet to reconcile with the trauma of his past. For that, I feel great empathy. His own fear of God, life and death have caused him to take an apparent leap of faith that is so extreme, he’s forgotten who he is altogether. It’s not as unbelievable as it may seem. It is, really … just incredibly sad. Please listen with an open mind.

Tune in every Friday for the Come Out & Play series, featuring coming out stories of celebrities, every day people, personal reflections, advice, tid bits and everything else concerning the complicated world of coming out! Got an interesting coming out story to tell? Contact me and I will feature it in an upcoming post of Come Out & Play.

degrassi, marco delrossi, come out & play, coming out story, canada, gay and lesbian issues

This week’s Notable Lesbian is:

Mercedes de Acosta
March 1, 1893 - May 9, 1968

Mercedes de Acosta was a Cuban-American poet, playwright, costume designer, and socialite best known for her lesbian affairs with Greta Garbo, Marlene Dietrich, Alla Nazimova, Tamara Karsavina, Eva Le Gallienne, Isadora Duncan, Katharine Cornell, Maude Adams, Ona Munson (”Belle Watling” in the movie Gone with the Wind), Adele Astaire, and others. Four of her plays were produced, and she published a novel and three volumes of poetry. Her memoir, Here Lies the Heart, was published in 1960 because she was seriously ill with a brain tumor and in need of money.

Interesting tid bit:
De Acosta married Abram Poole (1882–1961), a noted painter and socialite, in 1920. They divorced in 1935. Both he and she were homosexuals. Although talented in her professional field, it is no doubt her personal life that has made her famous in Hollywood circles. Her relationship with Garbo has often been described as “the love of her lifetime”.

“you can’t dispose of Mercedes lightly – she has had the two most important women in the US – Greta Garbo and Marlene Dietrich.”

~ Alice B. Toklas on de Acosta

If you have a suggestion for a Notable Lesbian, e-mail me at lyndsey.darcangelo@451press.net or use the contact form above and I’ll highlight her in an upcoming post.

Purchase Here Lies the Heart

greta garbo, mercedes de acosta, alice b. toklas, here lies the heart, marlene dietrich, notable lesbians

For as far back as I can remember, I thought my aunt Lois was gay. There are many memories of family gatherings that swirl through my mind, mostly holiday parties, where she’d come to town just to pay a friendly visit. She was the aunt I considered “the cool aunt,” and I was always delighted to see her. I noticed that, on occasion, she often brought along her friend, Pat. Though the family never discussed it openly, there was always some confusion, followed closely by assumption, whenever Pat was concerned. I remember thinking it strange, this woman always showing up at our special occasions. Was I to treat her like another relative of mine, another aunt perhaps?

Years passed and soon the mysterious friend, Pat, became known as aunt Pat. In fact, they became an auntie team. The confusion dissipated and seeing the two of them once or twice a year at Thanksgiving or Christmas became tradition. Though, the rumors never faded. There was plenty of speculation that my aunt Lois and my aunt Pat were more than friends. The funny thing is … no one ever bothered to ask them. We all just assumed that since they were two women living together, never married, never raised a family of their own, then the inevitable conclusion was clear. They were lovers.

When I finally reached the age of 23, I came out of the closet. This was also the time when I started coming out to family members. I was living in Boston when two close friends of mine and I decided to take a little trip up to Vermont where my aunts lived. Early one morning, I found myself discussing my sexuality and my concerns about telling the rest of the family with my aunt Lois while sipping hot coffee in her sitting room. I expected her to say, “Now you know how I feel.” Instead she said, “I’ve had to deal with quite the opposite.” I was puzzled.

“What do you mean?” I asked. She went on to explain that she and Pat were not lovers, in fact, but really close friends. They had known each other since college and were roommates off and on with the understanding that if one of them were to meet someone and wanted to get married, the other would understand. Men came and went just as swiftly as the passing years. They soon got to a point where they both wanted a home of their own, so they decided to buy one together. That was it, that was gist of the “big family scandal.”

I must admit that I was disappointed when she told me. I had been counting on her to be my confidant in all of this, to be my mentor of sorts. Of course, this didn’t change her view of me in the least. She was as progressive, liberal and as loving as she had always been. We went on to discuss the absurdity of the family gossip mill and how the lack of discussion led to such an inference on all of our parts. We had decided that, since the life my aunt had chosen for herself was not the norm, there must be an obvious explanation for it.

As gay people, I think it’s easy to assume or maybe to want to assume that because two women are living together - they must be gay. It’s the same thing when we search to “out” someone in the public eye. We want allies. We want to say, “See, they’re gay too.” We want them on our side. The thing is though, they don’t have to be gay to be understanding, compassionate or supportive. They don’t have to be gay in order to “get” us. It’s like Jodie Foster. People want her to come out so badly. For what? If she is perfectly happy living her life the way she is, why would we want to impede on that? Furthermore, how do we even know that is what she wants or even who she is? I’ve learned that just because two and two appear to add up to four, it doesn’t always work out that way.

I guess I sympathize with Oprah on this one:

Oprah Says She and Gayle Aren’t Gay

Oprah Winfrey and friend Gayle King want to be clear: they’re not gay.

In the August issue of O, the Oprah Magazine, the talk-show host explains that some people misunderstand her close friendship with King.

“I understand why people think we’re gay,” she says. “There isn’t a definition in our culture for this kind of bond between women. So I get why people have to label it — how can you be this close without it being sexual?” - CBS.com

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Yes, it’s true. Two women can have the kind of bond that some married couples share and not be lovers. They can be content to just be friends. They can even be soulmates. There’s no written rule, no outline that says you must grow up, get married and have a family. What if the family you have made for yourself comes in the form of a best friend? Does that lessen the bond? Does that lessen the meaning of the relationship?

My aunt’s only complaint is that she’s in the same boat as I am as far as legal rights are concerned. She wants to be able to have a “contract” or “legal document” drafted in which she and Pat could have the same rights as a married couple. But, because they are just friends there isn’t a category that they fit in to. That’s why this whole marriage debate is about more than just legalizing gay marriage. It’s about situations like the one my aunt is in as well. So what if they didn’t exchange “sacred vows” in front of priest. They exchanged something deeper, they made a vow between themselves to love and support each other in the best way they know how, not as lovers, but as true friends. There’s beauty in a friendship like that. There’s beauty in a friendship like Oprah’s and Gayle’s.

“In a way, our friendship is better than a marriage or a sexual relationship,” says Oprah.

And you know what, I think my aunt Lois would have to agree.

oprah, oprah and gayle, cbs, gay marriage, vermont

I’m feeling a little feisty this morning. Could be because of a certain story I read in the Houston Chronicle.

Murder suspect says he was doing God’s work

A Cypress man charged in the death of a Southwest Airlines flight attendant said Saturday that he was doing God’s work when he went to a Montrose-area bar last month, hunting for a gay man to kill.

“I believe I’m Elijah, called by God to be a prophet,” said 26-year-old Terry Mark Mangum, charged with murder June 11. ” … I believe with all my heart that I was doing the right thing.”

Interviewed in the Brazoria County Jail Saturday morning, Mangum said he feels no remorse for killing 46-year-old Kenneth Cummings Jr., whom relatives described as a “loving” son who never forgot a holiday and a devoted uncle who had set up college funds for his niece and nephew. He worked at Southwest for 24 years.

READ MORE

This incident is a perfect example of what can happen when you teach someone to hate. Only, he believed he was “doing the right thing,” because the hate in this case was being taught through the use of the Bible. If you think this is an isolated case, think again. This is not a rare example. This kind of thing is happening more and more, and what’s worse is that the people committing these crimes truly and wholeheartedly believe they are justified in doing so.

Think about some of the more radical Christian Youth Camps where kids not only swim, eat pillowy marshmellows by the campfire and sing songs while holding hands, but are also taught, through interpretations of numerous passages in the Bible, to hate.

Now, I know these are extreme cases. But, they exist. The whole basis of Christianity is to “Love thy neighbor.” Not “Kill thy neighbor.”

Besides, last time I checked … committing murder was also a sin. I guess there’s an exception if the victim is homosexual.

houston chronicle, cypress. christian youth camps, terry mark mangum, kenneth cummings jr.

Hello ladies and gents. I’m feeling a itsy bit sick today, so I woke up from my Advil induced slumber just to write this post. Of course, I’m taking the easy way out. I’m going to highlight some of the “goings on” across the 451press network:

First, over at my counterpart’s site, Pride and Opinons, Adri’s latest edition of his comic, No Style takes a look at the lighter side of GLBT news and life.

I’m not sure if any of you are Harry Potter fans, but the Hogwarts Harold has all the latest news and gossip surrounding the seventh installment of JK Rowlings famous scribe.

Farley, at Wine Outlook, talks about her dining experience at Astaria, while Soccer Buzz blogger, Dent, brings us all up-to-date on the Beckham Press Conference from last week.

And last, but certainly not least, for something to satisfy your dark side of curiosity when it comes to the intriguing world of celebrities, pay a visit to Trashy Celebs to get the latest dish on Madonna.

It’s off to the couch for me. I think a good book and a cup of tea are waiting for me to join them.

This week’s Come Out & Play post continues to spotlight Marco, a well-known character from the hit show, Degrassi.

If you are confused and missed last week’s Come Out & Play post, go here for a refresher.

Basically, Degrassi is a totally awesome show! (That’s my inner 80s child coming through!) There’s an openly gay character on the show named Marco DelRossi. His inner struggle with coming out was made into a two-part episode a couple of years ago. It was brilliantly scripted and just as wonderfully acted. I thought I’d show it as a series, breaking it down in video clips from YouTube. Remember the days when you’d watch a film in class, knowing you wouldn’t have to sit through another lecture for at least a week because that’s how long it would take to get through the film in the amount of time the class allotted. Well, think of this as a Come Out & Play 101 film! It’s broken up into nine parts.

This is Marco’s story part 2:

Make sure to come back next Friday for the third part of Marco’s coming out story! Trust me, it only gets better!

As a side note, Meg (a fellow 451press blogger), wrote about the gay and lesbian film festival in Philadelphia over on her blog. Go check it out.

Tune in every Friday for the Come Out & Play series, featuring coming out stories of celebrities, every day people, personal reflections, advice, tid bits and everything else concerning the complicated world of coming out!

Got an interesting coming out story to tell? Contact me and I will feature it in an upcoming post of Come Out & Play.

degrassi, marco delrossi, come out & play, coming out story, canada, gay and lesbian issues

This week’s Notable Lesbian is:

Greta Garbo
September 18, 1905 – April 15, 1990

Greta Garbo was a Swedish-born actress during Hollywood’s silent film period and part of its Golden Age. The most important of Garbo’s silent movies were The Torrent, The Temptress (1926), Flesh and the Devil (1926) and Love (1927). She starred in the latter two with the popular leading man John Gilbert. Her name was linked with his in a publicized romance, and she was said to have left him standing at the altar when she changed her mind about getting married. Later in her career, Garbo gradually withdrew from the entertainment world completely and moved to a secluded life in New York City, refusing to make any public appearances. Some people suggest that Garbo remained single in the United States because of an unrequited love for her drama school sweetheart, the Swedish actress Mimi Pollak. Garbo’s personal letters recently released to the public indicate that she remained in love with Pollak for the rest of her life. When Pollak announced she was pregnant, Garbo wrote: “We cannot help our nature, as God has created it. But I have always thought you and I belonged together.”

Interesting tid bit:
Garbo’s biographer Barry Paris notes that she was “technically bisexual, predominantly lesbian, and increasingly asexual as the years went by.” The Guinness Book of World Records named Garbo as “the most beautiful woman who ever lived.”

“Her instinct, her mastery over the machine, was pure witchcraft. I cannot analyze this woman’s acting. I only know that no one else so effectively worked in front of a camera. ” ~ Bette Davis on Garbo

If you have a suggestion for a Notable Lesbian, e-mail me at lyndsey.darcangelo@451press.net or use the contact form above and I’ll highlight her in an upcoming post.

greta garbo, the torrent, the temptress, flesh and the devil, love, john gilbert, mimi pollak, barry paris, the guinness book of world records, bette davis

After yesterday’s rant, I thought I’d sum up a bit on how I feel about the topic of gay marriage. I haven’t written about it because, as I said before, it’s an old argument that has run its course. But, I thought that I’d at least let you all in on how I honestly feel about it. I’m not one to get on a soap box and spew my ideology until people’s ears start bleeding. There’s no reason to harp on something over and over again. When you do that, you simply can’t evolve. I prefer to stay unstuck, to keep moving and to grow in my opinions and in life. In order to do that, I say my peace and then I move on.

Here’s my “peace” on gay marriage:

I don’t mind being a bridesmaid. I think it’s fun to be involved with the wedding and to witness two people who think so much of one another that they decide to pledge their love and spend the rest of their lives together.

But lately I’ve been pondering the ever-popular cliche, “always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” This saying may be a casual quip for some single women out there still searching for the perfect man, but for me it’s a reality. I may never even have the opportunity to consider marriage because of the fact that I am gay.

Even before the topic of gay marriage came to the forefront of politics in our country, I wondered about the possibility of spending my life with someone. I, like many people, long to meet that one special person whom I can share the good and the bad with, laugh and cry with, and just simply exist with.

I constantly read the stories and weigh the arguments. Unlike some other homosexuals, I understand the other side. My father, after all, is a devout conservative, and gay marriage is an oxymoron that he just cannot seem to wrap his mind around. I can understand why. His whole life he has been taught to believe in the sacred value of a union between a man and a woman only.

The concept of a man and a man or a woman and a woman exchanging vows of marriage is foreign to him and challenges his entire worldview. I understand his side and I accept his side, but that doesn’t mean that I agree with it.

To say that gay marriage will lessen the sanctity of the bond that exists between a man and a woman is ridiculous. That has already been accomplished by people who commit adultery, who have been married three or four times and who divorce despite the “for better or worse” promise made at the alter.

Flip a coin. That is what the sacred bond of marriage has been reduced to in this country. Every time someone says, “I do,” there is a 50 percent chance that the marriage will end in a divorce. I do not agree with anyone, heterosexual or homosexual, making a sacred commitment and then not taking it seriously.

Gay marriage will not and cannot change this marriage cycle that has already been set in motion. What gay marriage will do is give people like me an option. If or when I meet someone I want to express my love for and share my life with, I can. That is all I want - the option.

For me, honestly, it doesn’t even have to be called marriage. All I want is to have the same legal rights, such as being able to have my partner on my health insurance and to protect our finances should something happen to me. I don’t think that is too much to ask for, not when it is something that is based on the practicality of everyday life.

A friend of mine complained once that her parents and relatives were putting pressure on her and her boyfriend to get married because they had been dating for quite some time. At first I said nothing. After a moment, she asked me what I thought.

“At least you have the option,” I told her. Then I added, “But if you ever do get married, you can count on me to be a bridesmaid.”

gay marriage, bridesmaid, homosexual