Lez Keep It Real

No, I’m not talking about bird flu.

I’m talking about same-sex marriage. Massachusetts may be the only state to allow full on marriage at this point, but the idea is beginning to spread.

And part of the reason is because of events such as these:

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I’m back ladies. I arrived home yesterday from my skiing trip to New Hampshire with the harsh reality that I would have to go back to work the very next day. Yet, what happened on said trip was so wonderful that I didn’t mind so much. I’d go to work. And I’d go with a big, fat smile spread across my face.

You’re curious, aren’t you? You’re wondering what in the world could have possibly happened in New Hampshire of all places that would have me flying so high you might as well call me a kite?

Here’s a hint:

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As most of you know, I was in North Carolina this past weekend visiting my best friend from childhood. She and I have known each other since we were nine years old. I feel very lucky to have that kind of friendship in my life. We’ve been through all of the awkward moments of high school, the learning experiences of college, the reality of “real” life, relationships, my coming out, her parents divorce - basically everything - together. This time last year, she got married. And her husband whisked her off to North Carolina about five months later. No, I’m not bitter. I’m happy for her. And I was happy to see a little glimpse of the new life she is living.

ANYWAY, her husband and I were talking about gay marriage one night out on their patio with a couple of beers by our sides. He said that he believes our generation is much more accepting, that views have changed. So, after he went to bed at about 1 a.m., I went on to the 451 Press forums and started a thread. I wanted to take a poll out of the 451 Press writers to see who thought what, and to put my best friend’s husband’s theory to test.

Here is what some people said …

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For those anti-gay proponents who speak out about gay marriage and all of its evil, who talk about a new age culture war and the breakdown of family values, I’ve got some news for you …
gay marriage, or at least the concept of a union between two same-sex individuals, has been around for centuries. This isn’t some hair-brained idea we gays have concocted in order to corrupt society. It’s a basic contract that allows us to have the same legal, God-given rights as every other heterosexual couple out there. And it ain’t nothin’ new …

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I have to hand it to The Buffalo News on this one, they’ve done a great job of following this heart-wrenching story and making sure that people pay attention to it by pasting it right on the front page. I’m impressed. Pleasantly surprised and impressed.

Unfortunately, the news in this tragic story isn’t as comforting this time around because it seems that Parete, the wounded Buffalo police officer, and her partner won’t be receiving benefits any time soon.

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Sometimes it’s easier to get a point across after a situation occurs rather than before … it’s as if people need to “see” it before they “believe” it. The GLBT population has been campaigning for the past few years on behalf of gay marriage and why we not only deserve, but need the same benefits and legal rights just as much as any other heterosexual couple because without them our hands are tied.

We aren’t making waves and speaking out because we want to “lessen the sanctity of marriage” or “make a mockery of such a union.” We are standing up and speaking out because of situations like this …

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After yesterday’s rant, I thought I’d sum up a bit on how I feel about the topic of gay marriage. I haven’t written about it because, as I said before, it’s an old argument that has run its course. But, I thought that I’d at least let you all in on how I honestly feel about it. I’m not one to get on a soap box and spew my ideology until people’s ears start bleeding. There’s no reason to harp on something over and over again. When you do that, you simply can’t evolve. I prefer to stay unstuck, to keep moving and to grow in my opinions and in life. In order to do that, I say my peace and then I move on.

Here’s my “peace” on gay marriage:

I don’t mind being a bridesmaid. I think it’s fun to be involved with the wedding and to witness two people who think so much of one another that they decide to pledge their love and spend the rest of their lives together.

But lately I’ve been pondering the ever-popular cliche, “always a bridesmaid, never a bride.” This saying may be a casual quip for some single women out there still searching for the perfect man, but for me it’s a reality. I may never even have the opportunity to consider marriage because of the fact that I am gay.

Even before the topic of gay marriage came to the forefront of politics in our country, I wondered about the possibility of spending my life with someone. I, like many people, long to meet that one special person whom I can share the good and the bad with, laugh and cry with, and just simply exist with.

I constantly read the stories and weigh the arguments. Unlike some other homosexuals, I understand the other side. My father, after all, is a devout conservative, and gay marriage is an oxymoron that he just cannot seem to wrap his mind around. I can understand why. His whole life he has been taught to believe in the sacred value of a union between a man and a woman only.

The concept of a man and a man or a woman and a woman exchanging vows of marriage is foreign to him and challenges his entire worldview. I understand his side and I accept his side, but that doesn’t mean that I agree with it.

To say that gay marriage will lessen the sanctity of the bond that exists between a man and a woman is ridiculous. That has already been accomplished by people who commit adultery, who have been married three or four times and who divorce despite the “for better or worse” promise made at the alter.

Flip a coin. That is what the sacred bond of marriage has been reduced to in this country. Every time someone says, “I do,” there is a 50 percent chance that the marriage will end in a divorce. I do not agree with anyone, heterosexual or homosexual, making a sacred commitment and then not taking it seriously.

Gay marriage will not and cannot change this marriage cycle that has already been set in motion. What gay marriage will do is give people like me an option. If or when I meet someone I want to express my love for and share my life with, I can. That is all I want - the option.

For me, honestly, it doesn’t even have to be called marriage. All I want is to have the same legal rights, such as being able to have my partner on my health insurance and to protect our finances should something happen to me. I don’t think that is too much to ask for, not when it is something that is based on the practicality of everyday life.

A friend of mine complained once that her parents and relatives were putting pressure on her and her boyfriend to get married because they had been dating for quite some time. At first I said nothing. After a moment, she asked me what I thought.

“At least you have the option,” I told her. Then I added, “But if you ever do get married, you can count on me to be a bridesmaid.”

gay marriage, bridesmaid, homosexual

I just love how some people in our government, you know the ones who “make the rules that govern our society,” act as though they live holy and just lives, abide by every rule (written or otherwise) in the good book and speak out on the sanctity of marriage … only to be exposed, in some way, shape or form - for the hypocrite that they truly are.

Case in point:

Voted To Ban Gay Marriage Christian Conservative GOP Senator Linked To DC Madam

(Washington) Sen. David Vitter (R-La.), whose telephone number was disclosed by the so-called “D.C. Madam” accused of running a prostitution ring, says he is sorry for a “serious sin” and that he has already made peace with his wife.

“This was a very serious sin in my past for which I am, of course, completely responsible,” Vitter said Monday in a printed statement. “Several years ago, I asked for and received forgiveness from God and my wife in confession and marriage counseling. Out of respect for my family, I will keep my discussion of the matter there - with God and them. But I certainly offer my deep and sincere apologies to all I have disappointed and let down in any way.”

Vitter’s spokesman, Joel Digrado, confirmed the statement Monday evening in an e-mail to The Associated Press after a statement purported to be from Vitter was received by to the AP bureau in New Orleans.

It said his telephone number was on old phone records of Pamela Martin and Associates before he ran for the Senate.

Deborah Jeane Palfrey is accused by federal prosecutors of racketeering by running a prostitution ring that netted more than $2 million over 13 years, beginning in 1993. She contends that her escort service, Pamela Martin and Associates, was a legitimate business.

A Harvard graduate and Rhodes scholar, the 46-year-old Vitter was elected to his current office in 2004, becoming the first Republican from Louisiana elected to the Senate since Reconstruction. He represented Louisiana’s 1st Congressional District in the House from 1999 to 2004. ~ Gay365.com

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Why is it that these so-called purest and defenders of marriage always turn out to be the worst offenders when it comes to adultery, porn and other sexual escapades. Yet, somehow, they continue to speak out against a union that they see as below their marital standards. Are you kidding me?? I mean seriously, how do people like this sleep at night?

Of course, the fact that he has reconciled with God makes it alright. I’ll let you in on a little secret. I’ve reconciled with God along time ago. We’re buds. We talk occasionally and he’s perfectly content, as am I, with the fact that I’m gay. I mean, he created me after all. So, since the big guy upstairs and I are cool, shouldn’t that count for something? I mean, if this poor excuse for a government official can wipe his slate clean simply by stating that he apologized for his actions and God has forgiven him, can’t we all?

These kinds of stories only prove the case, time and time again, that it’s not the “sanctity of marriage” the Christian right and other extremists are defending. What they end up defending are the countless mistakes, lies and closet skeletons that find there way into the public eye. They say, “Oh, that was before I found God.” Then, a few years down the road, after another extramarital affair, they say, “Oh, that’s because I strayed from God.”

Here’s a suggestion … make your peace with God in any way you need to. Don’t sit there and act like your actions are excusable, or use the name of God to excuse them. And don’t say that gay marriage would ruin an institution that straight people are constantly defaming on a regular basis. More importantly, don’t pin your sins up against my so-called sins and say one is worse than the other. I’ve never committed adultery, pal, and just because I’m gay doesn’t mean that I’m going to either.

What this is, is an old argument that has run it’s course. And, quite frankly, I’m sick of it.

gay marriage, d.c. madam, david vitter, deborah jeane palfrey

Money, apparently.

According to a study called, “Love Counts: The Economic Benefits of Marriage Equality for New York,” the 50,854 same-sex couples that rare registered as residing in New York state would cause a huge influx of revenue from local taxes, city marriage license fees and personal spending.

The Advocate -

“Legalizing marriage for same-sex couples in New York would have impacts beyond allowing individuals to make the full legal commitments to their partners that opposite-sex couples take for granted,” Comptroller William Thompson said in the report.

The report also foresees more than 56,000 couples from other states visiting the Big Apple to get married, including those from nearby New Jersey, Connecticut and Pennsylvania.

Nancy Swartz, a videographer based in New York who specializes in capturing gay ceremonies, said that she anticipates a significant growth in her business if same-sex marriage is passed.

“My business did increase from New Jersey [civil unions] when the law passed,” she said of her company, MarryMeGay.com.

“Couples that I talked to in New Jersey after civil unions were passed said that they wanted to do it, so they just did it. I think a lot of New York couples will do the same.”

Swartz said she is sought out by gay and lesbian couples because of her approach to documenting their special day.

“A lot of traditional videographers who do straight weddings have a formula, whereas gay couples all have their own stories that have to be told a certain way,” she said.

“Sometimes one bride will wear a dress, and sometimes both wear a dress. Other times they get ready together. I capture their stories more individually. The couples don’t have to explain who they are. There is no exception.”

Part of the $142 million uptick for New York City’s economy would be a $58 million spending boom from couples and guests coming to visit the city for destination weddings. Increased rates of homeownership among couples could generate $40 million in real estate taxes for New York City alone.

Though couples would still not be allowed to file jointly on their federal income taxes because of the Defense of Marriage Act, New York companies would be required to grant benefits for employees’ spouses and families.

About 211,000 New York City-based firms would pay a total of $11 million per year in health insurance costs for dependents, while approximately 503,000 state companies would pay about $21 million annually for the additional coverage.

Additionally, those who receive assistance from the state’s Medicaid program may become ineligible for those benefits if they marry someone whose income or assets are sufficient to lift them above the income and asset thresholds for these programs.

Thompson estimated that the State would save about $110 million in Medicaid outlays over the three-year period looked at in the report.

hmmm, remember when Frank Russo, state director of the American Family Association of New York, based in Port Washington, said that allowing gay couples in New York to marry was a mistake that could be costly to taxpayers. Maybe I should send him the information about this report.

Now, I know that some studies can be bunk.
But this one seems to have been researched thoroughly and with reliable statistics. If this country, which has seen a economic downturn lately, needs to up its revenue - legalizing gay marriage might be a viable option. Forget the moral complexities, when it comes right down to it, money is what matters. Right? OK, I’m being a bit cynical. But hey, we went to war based on money and oil? Didn’t we?

Moving on … Those who know me know that I’m not advocating that we legalize gay marriage in New York just for sake of a few million dollars. But, I admit that it does help our case. Especially since there are those members of the AFA trying to say that it would actually cost more to do so. I’m waiting for Frank Russo to eat some humble pie, stick his foot in his mouth, eat his words … you get the picture. Actually, if he just shut his big, fat bigot mouth altogether, that would be enough for me.

Elsewhere in 451press news: A teacher gets suspended for comparing the word “gay” to the “N” word, Lindsey Lohan and Vanessa Millano doll out some lesbianish poses in these racy photos, eco-friendly cleaning products, and a view of Bush that seems to be a reoccurring national consensus.

Check in tomorrow for The “fag bug” has been spotted, to see what Erin Davies is up to.

gay marriage, legalizing gay marriage in new york state, american family association, frank russo, love counts, gay marriage study, marriage equality, gay marriage debate, lindsey lohan, vanessa millano, mayrmegay.com

Tenafly, NJ– RainbowWeddingNetwork.com (RWN) will produce the “Same Love, Same Rights”® GLBT Wedding and Family Expo at the Clinton Inn Hotel on August 12, 2007 from noon to 5pm. RWN was created in 2000 to bridge the gap between same-sex couples in need of wedding, travel, life planning and family resources and gay-friendly businesses that support equal rights. To date, RWN has produced thirteen wedding and family expos in cities including San Francisco, Atlanta, Boston and Hartford. The upcoming Expo in New Jersey is free to the public, and all supporters of marriage equality are encouraged to attend.

The “Same Love, Same Rights”® Wedding and Family Expo will feature over 50 GLBT-friendly vendors and pro-gay organizations. Entertainment company Ultrax Disc Jockeys will emcee the event, with live acts scheduled throughout the day including singer/songwriter Lucie Blue Tremblay. The Clinton Inn Hotel’s catering staff will provide food samples and host a celebratory cake-cutting ceremony. All attending guests will receive the latest issue of Rainbow Wedding Network Magazine, a national quarterly publication dedicated to same-sex weddings and marriage equality issues.

The Expo will also serve as the launch point for RWN’s new national Mobile Marriage Summit. All those attending the rally will have the opportunity to share their ideas and speak on the issue of marriage equality. There will be petition-signing, guest speakers and photo opportunities for couples to contribute to the online nationwide ‘Commitment’ Photo Album. Additional Mobile Marriage Summits are planned for New Hampshire and Oregon.

“The civil union legislation in NJ was an historic milestone, and an important move in the right direction,” says Cindy Sproul, co-founder of RainbowWeddingNetwork. “But there is more work to be done. We look forward to an Expo filled with fun and vital resources for couples in the planning stages, but also to a day of political networking and a refreshed vision of Equality for the state of New Jersey.”

Launched in 2000, RWN has grown to become the most extensive wedding resource for the gay and lesbian community in the United States. RWN produced its first expo in 2003 and released the national Rainbow Wedding Network Magazine in 2006. To date, RWN has produced thirteen different expos in eight states.

For more information about nationwide events produced by RainbowWeddingNetwork.com please visit http://www.RainbowWeddingExpo.com and for more same-sex wedding and marriage resources, visit http://www.RainbowWeddingNetworkMagazine.com

gay marriage, new jersey, rainbow, rainbow wedding network, rainbow wedding network magazine, rainbow wedding expo, civil union, civil union legislation, gay friednly, glbt weddings, cindy sproul

Yay for my home state. I’ve had thoughts of packing up and moving before, but seeing as how things in the good ol’ Empire State are a’changin for the good, I just might stick around a little longer …

Same-sex couples holding marriage licenses from places that allow same-sex marriage are now eligible for health benefits through a state health insurance plan, as well as other benefits, officials said.

The new policy, which went into effect Tuesday after Gov. Eliot Spitzer ordered it, requires the state Department of Civil Service to extend to same-sex couples spousal benefits eligibility in the New York State Health Insurance Program. READ MORE

Frank Russo, state director of the American Family Association of New York, based in Port Washington, said the move was a mistake that could be costly to taxpayers.

Oh, how I LOVE this spin … first, he’s basically saying that homosexuals aren’t worth a dime, literally, since we’d have to pay to give them equal rights. Who wants to do that, right? Why spend that money when we can build another baseball stadium for the Yanks and Mets to play in. Secondly, when you really think about it, doesn’t it make sense that it would be cheaper to have homosexual couples on each other’s health insurance. Basically, it’s a two for one deal … when you pay person by person it actually costs more.

Leave it up to the AFA to try and make a case against equality. The fact that they claim they are a “family oriented” organization and promote “traditional family values” burns me to the core. I guess, what they are saying, is that inequality is something everyone should include in their family value plan …

You’ve just gotten engaged …

Now what are you going to do?

I’m going to Disney Land!

The Desert Sun of Palm Springs, CA, recently reported that the fabulous Walt Disney Co. has changed its popular Fairy Tale Wedding program to allow for commitment ceremonies between same-sex couples.

“We believe this change is consistent with Disney’s long-standing policy of welcoming every guest in an inclusive environment,” Disney Parks and Resorts spokesman Donn Walker said Friday. “We want everyone who comes to celebrate a special occasion at Disney to feel welcome and respected.” - The Dessert Sun

It’s nice to see a well-known company like Walt Disney make a statement as profound as this one. Disney Land and Disney World and all of those other tourist-touting family-oriented resorts are known as the perfect destination for family fun. The fact that they have stood up and said, “Yes we accept same-sex couples” is basically saying, “same-sex couples are families too.”

Other major corporations need to take note of this. By opening your arms and mind to the homosexual community, you are exhibiting a gesture of acceptance that will be recognized on a national, even world, level. Aside from the religious right who will most likely call for a travel ban to Disney Land (like that would every happen), I think that a lot of people will acknowledge this with a simple smile and say, “that’s pretty cool.”

I’m pretty animated (no pun intended) myself, so much so that I just might let out a little girly yelp of glee…in the immortal words of goofy …

“YAHHHHHHOOOOOOEEEEEYYYYY!”

“>Read the entire article.

gay marriage, the desert sun, disney land