Lez Keep It Real

What punishment would you inflict on a teenager convicted of a violent homophobic crime? ~ Yahoo news

Flip the script on them so to speak or make them walk a mile in a gay man’s shoes.

Brighton’s hate crime unit ordered a homophobic teenager to spend a day working as an intern at the gay magazine 3SIXTY as part of his sentence. The boy had been part of a group who attacked a gay high school teacher in Dukes Mound, Brighton, early one Sunday morning.

Craig, the teacher, sustained a damaged lymph system, a scratched cornea and cuts and bruises across his face and body. He was hospitalized the following week with an infection that threatened to spread to his brain and was readmitted later with blood clots.

Craig was determined the offender should receive an appropriate sentence. He said, “As a gay man, I have experienced low-level homophobia throughout my life, such as name calling. I learned to roll the punches, but for me this punch was one blow too far.

“I like to think in reporting this crime, I helped stop it (from) happening to others.”

Sussex police were inspired by similar projects in San Francisco, where anti-gay criminals have been required to work for gay organizations as part of their sentences.
READ MORE

It opened up this young man’s eyes, maybe it could do the same for others. I’m not sure this type of punishment would work for a middle aged man or older since his beliefs and stereotypes have already been cemented making them harder to change. But for an impressionable adolescent who is still forming his or her opinions and ideas about society and the world in general, this is the perfect approach.

Reach them, teach them to open their eyes and see what can happen. Truth is infectious.

hate crime, 3sixty, homophobia, homophobic crime, dukes mound, brighton, england, sussex, san francisco, yahoo news, gay, gay man, gay attack

To those of you who expected a religious or scientific debate on this matter, I hate to disappoint you. I’m not going to approach this subject from either a religious or scientific point of view. Instead I am going to discuss this sensitive topic and draw from the best possible resource at my disposal - my own personal experience.

I wasn’t going to write on this subject, I didn’t want to. But certain signs kept pointing me in its direction. First, there was the special on Sixty Minutes last week called, “Nature vs. Nuture.” Then I got into an intellectual conversation with another 451 blogger who offered her own insight based on personal experience. I knew then that I wanted to write about whether homosexuality was a choice, but I also knew that I didn’t want to base my article merely on statistical information, scientific jargon or religious doctrine.

What I wanted to do was look inward and decide whether or not I had made a conscious choice to be a lesbian.

This is what I found.
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With Pride season upon us, I thought I’d lighten things up a bit from the previous posts and give you all some exciting places to visit to celebrate GLBT Pride.

I’m not really a Pride person myself. I enjoy a festival as much as the next person, but I’ve been to enough Pride celebrations to appreciate the experience for what it is. I feel as though I celebrate myself each and every day of my life. Plus, some Pride events can get a little out of hand with the Out & Proud vs. Out & Loud factor. For more on that, read Adri’s view of the matter.

Back to Pride. My first Pride experience was when I was living in Boston and if there is any Pride parade you should attend at least once in your life, it’s the Boston Pride parade. It was amazing and for a Pride virgin, it literally took my breath away. I’ve also attended Toronto Pride and Buffalo Pride. I give my home city props for organizing the event on such a small scale because for what it is, the Pride committee here in the B-lo puts together a pretty good show.

Big city Pride festivals differ from small city Pride festivals immensely. Though you often here about the widely fun and crazy celebrations happening on the east coast, the west coast and in Canada, here are a few worthwhile rural (yes, I said rural) Pride festivals worth attending according to PlanetOut.com:

Fed up with the same old gargantuan, slick big-city Prides? Want a bit more character in your out-and-proud shenanigans this year? Make a date with a Pride festival off the beaten track and see how this crop of fresh-faced small towns and cities in the middle of predominantly rural areas proudly put rainbows on their calendars.

Fargo-Moorhead Pride, North Dakota
June 1-3, 2007
www.pridecollective.com
Rainbow-hued rollerskating gets Fargo’s Pride activities under way May 29. A host of enticing activities career along in its wake, from coffee shop hops and bowling to drag shows, dancing, a beer bust and a rally. Weekend highlights in the city known as “The Gateway to the West” include volleyball and softball at Lindenwood Park’s Pride Park and a Fierce Drag Show.

Bisbee Gay Pride 2007, Bisbee, Arizona
June 15-17, 2007
www.bisbeepride.com
The West is getting wilder in tiny Bisbee (population 6,000), a former copper-mining town at the foot of the picturesque Mule Mountains. Once known as “the Queen of the Copper Camps,” Bisbee’s queens and kings camp it up during a drag race and bull run in Brewery Gulch, square dancing, a turn-of-the-century ball, and other such high-spirited goings-on during this southern Arizona mountain town’s jaunty annual Pride celebrations.

Montana Pride Celebration 2007, Montana
June 15-17, 2007
www.prideinbillings.org
“Magic City” sits in south central Montana, close to Yellowstone National Park. The biggest city in a 500-mile radius serves as a focal point for gay folks from Montana and Wyoming. Eric Himan and BETTY will be on hand to help mark this year’s theme, “From Silence to Celebration,” and tattoo artists will be among the vendors at the festival — if you want to make it an event you’ll really never forget.

Pride in the Park 2007, Fort Collins, Colorado
June 16, 2007
www.prideinthepark.org
Billing it as a “hometown Pride,” College town Fort Collins celebrates its fourth Pride in 2007. Civic Center Park is the site for an expected 1,000 people to enjoy a sunny northern Colorado day’s entertainment, kids’ games, more than 40 vendors and craftspeople, a beer garden, silent auction and tempting door prizes.

Rendezvous 2007, Medicine Bow, Wyoming
Aug. 1-5, 2007
www.wyomingequality.org
This one is as rural as it gets. Camp out under the stars for five days in the Medicine Bow National Forest, between Laramie and Cheyenne. Wyoming’s Rendezvous 2007 offers five days of good old-fashioned LGBT fun. Kicking off with a pot-luck dinner, the rest of the week is crammed full of activities, contests, workshops and entertainment, including the intriguing-sounding Fractured Faerie Tale.

For all you granola-eating, crunchy lesbians out there, start marking your calendars for these Pride events today!

Comment Question: What’s the best Pride you’ve ever been to?

gay pride, buffalo pride, boston pride, toronto pride, pride parade, pride agenda, out and proud, homosexual pride, lesbian pride, planet out, pride in the park, pride celebrations

OK. I’m going to put myself out on a limb here and reveal a little secret to you, the reader. Normally, I prefer to keep my secrets close to my vest without the slightest hint or possibility of revealing them. But this particular secret isn’t really a secret to those who know me best. So I figure that sharing it with you, dear reader, wouldn’t be that big of a deal. All I ask is that you don’t judge me or make certain assumptions based on what I am about to say. Well, here goes …

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As kids, we are often asked the ever-ambiguous question, “What do you want to be when you grow up? My answer (aside from rock star, actress and writer) was a professional basketball player.

OK, so I happen to be only 5’3” (5’4” with high tops on) and a woman. But even so, as a young, dreamy-eyed tomboy I still thought that I could break the mold and be the first woman athlete to play professionally in a male dominated sport. Why not? For me, there was no women’s league that I could dream of playing in. All I had was the NBA. So, along with my brothers, I had posters of Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan on my wall. I was a regular kid athlete with stars in my eyes and lofty dreams of signing a sneaker deal with Nike. I scoffed at those who said, “You can’t play in the NBA, you’re a girl.” And I kept on playing, with my head high, volunteering for my brother’s pick-up games just to prove that I could play with the big boys.

My how times have changed. Unlike me, young girls today, those with exalted aspirations of being a professional athlete, have the WNBA to look up to. When asked what they want to be when they grow up, they can flash a knowing smile and say proudly, “I want to play in the WNBA.” And no one will tell them they can’t simply because they are a girl.

These days, girls across the country have posters of Diana Taurasi and Sheryl Swoopes on their walls, they imagine holding up a shiny new jersey of the team that just drafted them number one over all in the WNBA draft, and they tune into the all star game just to see their favorite player bounce the familiar orange and oatmeal colored ball between her legs.

They look up to these players with a newfound respect and admiration because they are women. Women who are as athletically gifted as they are intellectually sound. And, more significantly, women who play professional basketball.

Do you think that for a second, these same young girls would think less of these women if they knew some of them were lesbians? Do you think that it would lessen the impact that these players have on them?

I highly doubt it.

The truth is that all these girls care about is whether or not Diana Taurasi scores from the three-point line or if Lisa Leslie is going to dunk next time she drives the lane.

So tell me then, why the WNBA continues to avoid the lesbian word as if it’s steaming pit of bubbling hot tar?

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I’ve noticed that I’ve made some U-Haul references in my last few posts … maybe it’s time I wrote a post about it.

I remember the first lesbian joke I had ever heard. What does a lesbian bring on the first date? A U-Haul. The story goes – you meet someone, you fall in love or lust and the next thing you know, you’re living with your significant other, own two cats and have a “couples only” game night. Personally, I think the lesbian community itself keeps U-Haul in business. Before you start packing up the truck, maybe it’s time to stop, take a moment, and think things through. Yes, even when you are in love.

Let me set the scene. You meet someone out one night – say at a club while busting your groove on the dance floor or while sipping on the latest coffee combo at a snug little coffee shop. You chat for a bit and then exchange a couple of flirtatious glances and slight nudges. She gives you her number, you give her yours. Maybe a week later (you’ve talked every night since) you’ve got those tingles in your fingertips every time you think about her and those butterflies swarming around in your stomach. She’s become the hot topic of conversation with all of your friends. Ah, you think… it might even be love. Suddenly your level head turns to mush, all rational decisions go out the window and you take the next “logical” step to further your relationship … you move in together.

Sound familiar?

This is the pattern that so many lesbian relationships adhere to for some odd reason and it has even become the norm. I’ve observed this pattern time and time again. It gets exploited in lesbian stories, television shows, and movies – so much so that you’d think we would have learned from it. But yet, the U-Haul still gets packed up without an inkling of hesitation.

When two women come together, there’s often an overwhelming connection. I think because women are more emotional than men we look to have our needs met right away. When women feel nurtured and safe, we often don’t want to ever let that feeling go and it seems that we will feel that way forever. I call this period the “honeymoon” period because everything is hazy, wonderful and perfect.

The first woman I ever dated wanted me to “run away” with her to North Hampton, MA – a Gay Mecca of sorts, even before I told my parents that I was gay. I was like, “Um, let’s slow this down a bit.” We only dated for four months. I thought that step might be just a little too fast. In fact, I wouldn’t consider moving in with someone until at least a year has gone by. For a lot of lesbian couples, the relationship advances so quickly that by the time they are together for a year, they’re already engaged and sharing household chores. But they also start to realize some issues they have in their relationship that they just didn’t see because the “honeymoon” period was in full effect. The relationship then becomes complicated once the honeymoon fizzles out because those very issues come to a head.

I realize that falling in love can be a truly wonderful and mind boggling thing. I’ve been there myself, maybe too many times. But I also know that lesbian relationships are based upon the same things that heterosexual relationships are. If you notice, the most successful couples out there – gay or straight – have let their relationships evolve on their own. When things aren’t rushed, then you have a better chance of spotting an issue early on before it becomes a bigger problem down the road. You get to know one another on a deeper level and the connection becomes rooted, almost like a tree, which makes the relationship strong and solid.
Then, when the time comes to load up the U-Haul, you can feel confident about the decision you’re making because it’s based on logic and not just on love.

My advice (based on experience) don’t go dialing 1-800-Uhaul just yet … take your time, there’s no need to rush things.

Uhaul, gay, lesbian, relationships, north hampton, honeymoon, love

Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund

April 16, 2007, will be remembered as one of the darkest days in the history of the Virginia Tech community and the world beyond.

To remember and honor the victims of those tragic events, the university has established the Hokie Spirit Memorial Fund to aid in the healing process and generate financial support.

The fund will be used to cover expenses including but not limited to:

• Grief counseling
• Memorials
• Communication expenses
• Comfort expenses
• Incidental needs

If you plan to give, please click the link below:

Since it’s the thick of April … and April always seems to bring rain showers or in some cases (if you happen to live in the North East as I do), snow, I thought that I’d give you all some suggestions of quality reading material to snuggle up with on the couch until the warmer weather ushers in.
Get ready to sprawl out, wrap yourself under your favorite warm blanket and start reading!

According to Publishing Triangle – these are the top ten best gay and lesbian novels (out of a list of a hundred) recommended:

1. Death in Venice by Thomas Mann
2. Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin
3. Our Lady of the Flowers by Jean Genet
4. Remembrance of Things Past by Marcel Proust
5. The Immoralist by Andre Gide
6. Orlando by Virginia Woolf
7. The Well of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall
8. Kiss of the Spider Woman by Manuel Puig
9. The Memoirs of Hadrian by Marguerite Yourcenar
10. Zami by Audré Lorde

For the rest of the list, click here.

Publishing Triangle was founded in 1988 and works to create support and a sense of community for lesbian and gay people in the publishing industry.

As for me, there’s one book that I think all lesbians should read at some point in their lives. It’s called Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown (Ranked 18th on PT’s top 100 list). It made the top 100 list but it’s number one on my personal list. It captures, quite perfectly I might add, the natural evolution of a young girl into a woman all while exploring the many facets of her sexuality. It’s brilliantly written, a true “page-turner.”

Off of the gay and lesbian topic, I also recommend The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. I hear that they are planning on turning it into a movie. For those people who sometimes see the movie instead of taking the time to read the book, this is one of those cases where you MUST read the book. It’s a well-written, beautifully crafted story that unfolds in such an intricately woven way that it almost makes the reader feel like he or she is part of the story. It also provides an inside view of the turmoil that is the Middle East and paints a vivid picture of the destruction and chaos that any war, civil or otherwise, can cause.

As for my favorite author, I love Judy Blume. Her books helped me come of age. From the highly controversial Forever, (voted most banned book from high schools in 2005) where I first learned about sex, to the simplistic humor of Freckle Juice and Sheila the Great, Judy Blume exhibits an uncanny ability to bring humor and light to topics often considered too unmentionable to mention in young adult fiction like masturbation, menstruation and sex. She took risks with her stories and dared to be so candid when writing about things that others were too afraid to touch upon. She brought real life “growing pains” out from under the rug and into the open. And many kids, like me, loved it because she gave us something real to relate to. We could read, Are You There God, It’s Me Margaret and say, “That’s exactly how I feel.” Or “That happened to me too!”

I hope I’ve provided you with some good reading suggestions to keep you busy during those cozy rainy days as well as those lazy summer afternoons spent lying on the grass.

For more fun tips on the latest books and other reading material, visit 451’s blog for everything literary – The Book Stacks.

book, gay, lesbian, novel, reading, publishiing triangle, judy blume, rita mae brown, rubyfruit jungle, forever, the kite runner

Last night I was basically surfing the Internet in a poor attempt at procrastination. I’m a horrible procrastinator because I immediately feel guilty for not doing what I’m supposed to be doing, succumb to the guilt and end up doing what I’m supposed to be doing anyway. Did you get all of that?

Onto the point of this post. I happened upon one of those Yahoo Answers to a question that I’m sure has plagued lesbians since the beginning of time.

The question: Why do straight men find lesbians attractive?

The so-called “best” answer: I find attractive lesbians attractive because of appearance. But in personal dealings, when it’s clear my interest is not reciprocated or especially welcomed, the attraction quickly fades. Read More

Why this answer was considered the “best,” I have no idea. I, do however, consider it to be uncannily similar to what most straight men would say when asked this very same question.

Straight men consider lesbians to be hot as long as the fantasy of being involved in their sexual exploits is alive and well. Once the fantasy is dead in the water, so is the attraction.

Being sexually involved with two women at the same time can do wonders for a straight man’s ego. Think about it … not only one, but two women want him? And at the very same time. Talk about rising to the occasion. You bet any straight man, when presented with the opportunity, would gladly oblige. Of course, flip the script and take him out of the equation and he suddenly feels left out, defeated … maybe less of man even.

You might wonder how I could make such generalizations. I guess because I have seen it happen numerous times myself. I’ve been out at straight clubs with a beautiful women who often draw numerous glances in their direction from big, buff and sexually charged I’ve-got-something-special-for-you wielding men. When these women didn’t exchange looks or reciprocate in anyway, they often reacted by making some far less than intelligent or derogatory retort. Then, they’d cast their disbelieving eyes at me because I was the one that was buying the women drinks, having them whispering in my ear, flirting and of course, dancing with them.

How could this be? The straight men wonder. How could these women rather be with her than me?

Enter a little term I like to call Venus envy.

Basically, I have something these men could never ever possess. A woman’s touch. The simple reason as to why true lesbians don’t want anything sexually to do with a straight man is basically because a straight man isn’t a woman. That’s all there is to it.

Here’s another example. Recently on Work Out, the wonderful reality show on Bravo featuring uberly fit power lesbian, Jackie Warner, I saw a similar situation unfold. Jackie is hooking up with one of her trainers, Rebecca, who I think it basically experimenting, but that’s beside the point. While out one evening as a group, some of the trainers are put off by Jackie and Rebecca’s flirting. One of the straight male trainers, Dre’, explains later on in the episode why he was so bothered by the two of them together. In so many words, he says, “When there’s two gorgeous women together getting it on and I’m not a part of it, yeah it pisses me off.” He felt angry because he was being left out. I ask you this, who invited him in the first place?

I know that Dre’ isn’t the only straight male out there who feels this way.

For all you guys out there, I’m sorry … but I’ve got to give it to you straight (pun fully intended.) There’s nothing you can do about it. You can’t work out more, tidy up your appearance, walk with a swagger, and flash wads of cash or brag about how good you are in bed. It doesn’t matter. When lesbians are out in a club, they are there to have a good time and not because they are out looking for a third party. I apologize for the many women who lure you into this fantasy by masquerading as lesbians out for good time. I also apologize for the billions of porno flicks who paint an all to common picture that any man, even a refrigerator repairman, can walk in on two lesbians having sex and suddenly be invited to join in. The truth is – it doesn’t happen as often as you think. So, don’t be so shocked next time you see two girls dancing on the floor a little too close for comfort when you give them the “come here eyes,” and they don’t respond. I’m not trying to burst your bubble, I’m just give you a healthy dose of reality.

Back to the question posed above: Why do straight men find lesbians attractive?

The true answer: They don’t really. They find the idea of lesbians attractive. Take straight guy out, put him in the middle of a lesbian club full of femmes, butches, dykes, bois, granola crunchers and everything else in between and you’ll see him turn and run faster than a lesbian chasing a U-haul truck down the street.

It’s true … I’ve seen it happen.

If you’re a straight man, I’d love to hear your input on this. Feel free to comment below.

For more on Work Out, check out 451’s blog for Reality on Bravo.

gay, lesbian, straight, work out, venus, envy, yahoo answers

We (meaning we as in gays and lesbians) are often asked the ever-ambiguous question, “When did you know?” Obviously, the people asking the question are referring to one thing and one thing only: when did you know you were … um, (insert awkward moment here) … (forced cough) ahem … gay?.

It’s a loaded question simply because it’s different for every person. There is no right or wrong answer, no exact age when we come to the realization of our sexuality, no law of nature and no scientific equation to explain it.

For some, a specific moment frozen in time comes to mind. They can recall exactly where they were, what they were wearing, the swirl of emotions they were feeling and who they were talking to (if anybody.) For others, the realization happened over a period of time where thoughts persisted until they finally gave in and said, “Oh my God, I am gay!”

Some knew way back when they little whipper snappers running around the neighborhood trying to keep up with the rest of the pack of boys and girls yet, at the same time, feeling somewhat out of place. They heard thoughts in their heads like Kevin Arnold on The Wonder Years and often wondered why they felt so different on the inside. Others didn’t receive “the calling” as I like to call it until they were in college, free of the watchful eyes of the ‘rents and full of curiosity. Upon experimenting, they found that the gay piece was missing from the puzzle that was their so-called life.

Every one of us knew at a definitive point in our lives that we were different on some level from the majority of the human race. We had the inclination that something inside of us didn’t quite make sense. And once we were able to put a name to the feeling, a liberation beyond our wildest dreams took place.

For me, since I paint in words rather than watercolors, I had to write a short story about “when I knew” to fully capture such a momentous realization. It wasn’t a specific moment for me, but a natural progression of sorts that began with what I like to call, “The Accidental Kiss.”

I was eight years old when I first realized that I was gay. I may not have known the definition, I may not have even known the word . . . but I knew the feeling. It was the swarm of butterflies that flew into one another deep within my stomach every time I was around her. It was the sweatiness of my palms and nervous vibrations in my voice whenever she was close enough for me to smell the fabric softener in her clothes or the sweet scent of her shampoo. She was my best friend and my first crush.
I was raised in a neighborhood in which there were entirely too many boys and not enough girls for me to play with. This was my mother’s sentiment. For me, I was perfectly happy playing with GI Joe’s instead of Barbie’s, riding my bike pretending it was a motorcycle and running around in the summer time with out my shirt on. I was just like everyone else. I was happy being a girl who was accepted as “one of the guys.”Read More

For more stories like mine, I highly recommend the book, “When I Knew,” by Robert Trachtenberg You’ll read stories and tidbits from regular people to celebrities like this:

My mother began the conversation, “Well, I was watching Oprah last week and the show was about married men who turned out to be gay.” A lump sank through my throat. She continued, “And Oprah said something that made a lot of sense to me.”

“If you walk like a duck and quack like a duck, usually you’re a duck,” recited my mother. I quickly closed my eyes and prayed for an opportunity to escape her presence, but she had somehow found the courage. “Are you a duck, Darin?”
~ Darin Johnson from When I knew

Now, I ask you … When did you know?

E-mail me your story at ldark21@yahoo.com or use the contact link above and I’ll use it on an upcoming post of Lez Keep It Real.

gay, lesbian, homosexual, when I knew, accidental kiss, robert trachtenberg

I was introduced to the principle that we create our life and experiences with our own thoughts through a book called “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay. I admit that when I first read about this simplistic natural law, I was a bit skeptical. But I’ve come to find, through my own experiences and observing others that the law of attraction does exist.

Whether you want to believe it or not doesn’t matter. Because whatever you think about on a consistent basis, you are going to create. Some people are turned off by this principal because they are offended that something could be so easy. Their thoughts are that “you have to work for money,” and believing that all you have to do is think of money and you will manifest it is too much for them to swallow.
The “Secret” has now gripped the nation thanks to shows like Oprah and a wealth of motivational and spiritual thinkers who back it. Although I have read numerous books on this subject before, I decided to buy the “Secret” to see if there was anything in it that I hadn’t already learned or have become aware of. The key to this book is that it not only teaches you the law of attraction; it shows you how to implement it into your every day life.

The “Secret” doesn’t care where you are currently at in your life. It doesn’t care if you are white, black, brown or purple. It also doesn’t care if you are gay, straight, transgendered or bisexual. The power to change your thoughts does not lie within anyone except for you. To some people, knowing that they have that much power is too much to take it. “It can’t be that simple,” they say. And so they go on creating things in their lives that they do not want or situations that are unhealthy for them.

Reverend Vilius Dunzila, Ph.D of the Advocate wrote a somewhat harsh review of the “Secret.” He came at it from a negative point of view, obviously missing the message of the power of positive thoughts.

The Reverend singles in on the experiences of one gay man who, with the simple changing of his inner beliefs, was able to change his outward experiences. His belief was that he was ashamed to be gay. Therefore, he created situations that reflected that. People were mean to him, disrespected him and harassed him on several occasions. Once he realized how what he was thinking affected his daily life, he experimented by changing his daily thoughts. As a result, and because he truly believed that he was a good person no matter what his sexual orientation was, his life became more enjoyable. The people he encountered welcomed him.

Reverend Dunzila finds this hard to believe. Yet, I can attest to this. I have never once thought of myself as a terrible person because I was gay. I always believed that I was loved by God and my family and friends solely for the person I was inside. Because of that belief, I have yet to experience any act of homophobia against me in any way. Everyone that I have encountered and have told that I am a lesbian has been nothing but supportive and encouraging. These are my experiences and they are a direct result of my thoughts.

I, by no means, am saying that acts of homophobia are justified in any way. What I am saying is that when situations occur in our lives, sometimes we need to take a second look at why they might be happening. What could you be putting out into the universe that would reflect back in such a way? You can take the power away from the attacker and put it in your own hands. That, in itself, is a concept that some are just not willing to accept. But think about it … when you have the power you take away the influence and ignorance of others. You put your own beliefs and dignity first. When you think that what they (homophobic morons) say or do has no power over you, it can’t negatively affect you. How wonderful and empowered would you feel then?

Reverend Dunzila paints the “Secret” as such:

The materialistic and narcissistic messages of “The Secret” belittle whatever superficial spiritual teachings it hopes to offer. The movie makes no mention of loving one’s neighbor or enacting justice. It makes no overtures toward feeding the hungry, clothing the needy, sheltering the homeless, or caring for the sick. The power of positive thinking will apparently take care of that.

What the “power of positive” thinking does is take the responsibility off of others and puts it right into your own lap. Some people just don’t want to be responsible for their own lives. They would rather blame someone else or something else for the cause of their misery because it’s easier. What the Reverend fails to realize here and what he seemingly cannot wrap his mind around is that it’s not only the power of positive thinking; it’s the power of positive thinking of the individual. The power lies within them … us … me… you. Individual thinking. That is what it is all about.

Yes, love thy neighbor. Be good unto others. Donate money, clothing, time and whatever else you can. Act from a position of love and gratitude. These are all principals that the “Secret” embodies and yet the Revered somehow overlooked them or saw them as “superficial.” He was too busy being stuck in his rut of disbelief. If, by some miracle, he could put his stubbornness aside and look into the “Secret” a little further then he might be able to get the entire message and not just bits and pieces of it.

The Reverend also goes off about AIDS and how the “Secret” paints a disturbing picture that it is the gay man’s fault for contracting the disease. Fault, no. Poor choices maybe, depending on the circumstance. Maybe if he looked into Louise Hay a bit he might learn that she has an entire charity built on the foundation of positive thinking to fight AIDS and give peace to the billions of people who have the disease. He might learn that she is charished and loved in the gay community, especially by gay men with AIDS because she started a support group in her own home for them. (It grew into what is now known as the Hay Foundation) He might also learn that she is an advocate of the “Secret” and its basic principal of positive thinking (which she uses to empower gay men living with aids).

The “Secret” is an amazingly freeing concept that breaks all limitations. In fact, it could be used as an empowering tool for many gays and lesbians. The basic premise of it stems from self-love. Teaching gays and lesbians how to truly love themsevles despite what society or others may think could do wonders for our community.

I ask the Reverend this: Is it a bad thing for people to learn how to love themselves, how to think of themselves and wonderful, amazing individuals? Imagine how this simple thought could influence gay and lesbian teens who struggle with their sexual identity?

He’s not “sold” on the secret. Yet there’s nothing for him to buy. You can either believe it or not. That doesn’t change the law of attraction.

Gay or straight, the “Secret” doesn’t discriminate. What it does do is give us all something beautiful to believe in.

gay, bisexual, lesbian, the secret, the advocate, manifest, louise hay, hay house, homophobic, reverend vilius dunzila

It’s good Friday and by all means it’s going to be a GOOD Friday because today I am introducing the weekly Friday series of Coming Out Stories!”

Everyone has a coming out story, whether it’s already written or waiting to be told. Each story is as unique as the person who tells it.

I like to equate coming out with being naked, because basically you are stripping down to your soul and bearing it all for the world to see merely by saying, “I’m gay.” These two little words can be the “shot heard ‘round the world.” That’s how much weight they carry and how much of an impact they can have on our lives as homosexuals living in a heterosexually dominated world. The idea of saying those two words out loud can be so frightening that many people choose not to say them at all. Instead, they hide in the safety of the closet because they believe that it’s better that way.

Believe me, it’s not.

By staying in the closet, people end up doing more harm to their mental, emotional and physical wellbeing than good. Hiding your true self from others, as well as yourself, is like ignoring a part of you that needs air to breathe, sunlight to grow and love to thrive. By hiding yourself you are saying that you don’t approve of who you are and that can lead to self-hatred and lowered self-esteem. Many closeted homosexuals endure periods of depression and seclusion. The closet can be a dark and lonely place, which makes it easy to see why we choose it as a symbol of isolation. When you decide to open the door and step into the air and light, the sensation is as freeing as if you were trapped for years in a physical closet. Coming out is liberating, as it often sets you free from such emotional torment. Of course, no one can tell you when to come out. Many people often come to the realization that they are gay at a young age, but don’t come out until years later. Realizing it is one thing, accepting it is another. And before you can come out to anyone, you have to come out to yourself. You have to feel as though it is the right time for you because, as they say, timing is everything.

My time happened when I was a bright-eyed twenty-two year-old. I had always known I was gay, every since I had a crush on my best friend in the third grade. But like most I had this horrible sense that if I told anyone, I would be ridiculed or worse. So I chose to try and hide it. After years of lying about how I felt and overcompensating by saying, “gay people are gross” whenever the topic came up, I finally reached a point where I couldn’t hide from it any longer. I wanted to explore that side of me because it became all I could think about. After a period of self-discovery and many journal entries later, I was able to say to myself, “I’m gay.”

The first person that you decide to come out to is extremely important, because their reaction sets the stage for future conversations with others. A positive reaction will allow you to feel more comfortable and confident when you decided to tell someone else. The first person I told was my grandmother. Our relationship had always been a close one and I knew that she often acted from a place of love in all aspects of her life. She offered me nothing but a caring shoulder and lots of support. I know that I was very lucky to have such a wonderful reaction and it only propelled me further along in my coming out process.

Unfortunately, like many leaps of faith, coming out has its risks. Family and friends might have an adverse reaction, some personal relationships may be altered and you may experience harassment or discrimination. The benefits, however, always outweigh the risks involved. While not everyone will be understand and accepting, by coming out you can give yourself the opportunity to live an open and whole live, develop closer and meaningful relationships, build up your self worth, pave the way for future gay and lesbian generations and become part of a thriving community. It’s more than just announcing to the world that you are gay, it’s about living life to the fullest on your own terms.

In the columns ahead, I will explore the many facets of coming out and the healthy ways to live openly in today’s society. We face decisions about coming out on a daily basis, from the why (or why not), to the when, where and who. It’s an ongoing journey that unfolds slowly like a gripping novel, one page at a time. Every story is different, but one thing will always remain the same.

Every story deserves to be told.

Every week I will post a “Coming Out Story of the Week” featuring coming out stories of celebrities (past & present), personal stories, resources and other fun tid bits.

Feel free to e-mail me your story!

coming out, homosexual, closet

Calling all lesbians, gays, straights, bisexuals and basically everything else in between. I’m here to do one thing and one thing only: keep it real.

I pride myself on never being afraid to put myself out there or say what I feel … without honesty and a strong opinon, I’d be a mute. I’m excited about the future of this blog because it is slightly different from my other endeavors. While I write a monthly column for local gay and lesbian magazine in Buffalo, N.Y., I find that I have to be a bit more picky about my topics because it only comes out once a month. So much happens in the span of a month that I feel as though I miss out on talking about other things. Enter 451 Press. My opportunity to comment on a variety of things in the gay and lesbian world at least five days a week. What a concept!

It the posts ahead, I plan on writing on everything from politics and gossip to sports and entertainment in the gay and lesbian world. On Fridays, I will be posting a feature called “coming out story of the week.” Tommorow, since it’s Friday, I will post an introduction of sorts about coming out.

Until then, good night world!