Lez Keep It Real

Closure. Clo-sure. It’s a simple word really.

Whenever I hear it I think of that episode of Friends where Rachel is trying to get over Ross (this is before they get together) and she goes out on a date with some poor unsuspecting fool where she gets drunk, calls Ross and leaves him a phone message that says, “I’m over you. And that is what they call, closure.” Of course, she wasn’t really “over” him. She was still very much “under” him.

That episode along with the recent episode of “Exes and Ohs” made me think, do we really ever have “closure?” Is it even attainable?

For those of you who don’t know, Exes and Ohs is a new show that airs on Logo on Monday nights. It’s not bad, and has the potential to grow. The main character of the show, played by Michelle Paradise, is best friends with her ex. We’re only two episodes in and you can already see the paradigm here. They are the typical lesbian exes, still clinging on to the past though they both think they have closure. The reality is that they don’t. There’s still something going on there that neither one of them wants to address because they don’t want to actually admit the fact that the closure they thought they had achieved was merely a front. A farce. An illusion of sorts.

You may be wondering why I am going on about this … about “closure.” The truth is that I sorted through the top news stories of the day and couldn’t find anything that plucked my interest enough to write about. You see, I am distracted. My mind isn’t on political news, light and fluffy entertainment stories, tongue and cheek commentary or the latest GLBT gossip. My mind is on my ex.

It’s not about wanting to be back together with her. Unlike Rachel from Friends and Jen from Exes and Ohs, my closure has to do with the loss of friendship, not a relationship.

Normally, I don’t get too personal on this blog. I try to keep my business … my business. But today I feel the need to bare my soul a little bit. I feel the need to get some things out. I feel the need for closure.

My ex told me yesterday that in order for her to move on from the past, she needed to just restrict our communication to e-mails and phone calls. And I thought, if we have to “restrict” our friendship we might as well let it go altogether. And so I made the decision to walk away.

Let me explain. You see, my ex is a person whom I should have just been friends with in the first place. Had that happened, I believe we’d still be just as good of friends today. But that isn’t the way it went. We tried to date and because of that, we can’t be friends. You see, once my ex and I realized that it just wasn’t going to work, we became the best of friends. She was the closest person in my life. She knew everything about me, inside and out. We tried to maintain that closeness, even when I started dating someone new. And it just didn’t work. Since then we’ve drifted further and further apart. Now there is nothing between us but space, time and air.

I think that I have been clinging to our friendship for awhile now, hoping it would somehow rebound and become sustainable. But I think I was fooling myself. I’ve learned that there are some things you just have to let go of, even when it hurts. So I’ve let go of her. And I know it is the right thing to do. How do I know? I don’t know really … it just feels right. Was there closure? No, not really. Will there ever be?

Honestly, I don’t know.

Don’t forget about the Lez Keep it Real Contest!

closure, rachel, friends, exes and ohs, michelle paradise, logo