Lez Keep It Real

Doctor: What’s wrong?
Patient: I have a sore throat.
Doctor: Anything else?
Patient: Yes … I’m gay.

Sounds easy, doesn’t it? But, as we all know, coming out is never an easy task – no matter who it is. This week’s Come Out & Play post spotlights coming out to your doctor.

Some people think that coming out to a health care provider is pointless and that it’s none of his or her business. But, knowing all we know about STDs and the psychological effects that affect many gay people (depression, self-hated, ie.), it is an important fact that any health care provider should be aware of.

Often, we are apprehensive to let our doctors know our sexual orientation for fear of rejection. But wouldn’t it be better to know if your doctor cared enough about you that your sexual orientation wouldn’t be an issue? Wouldn’t you want someone who prescribes medication, advises you on your health and well-being, and discuses intimate details of your life with you to be someone who was open minded and abreast on GLBT health issues and concerns? Wouldn’t you want your doctor to really, truly care about your health and well-being regardless of your sexual orientation. I know I would. And if I had come out to my doctor and he had said, “I have an issue with that” or “I don’t agree with that,” I would have found a different doctor.

I was lucky because I didn’t have to go through the stages of anxiety associated with coming out to my doctor. He knew before I even had a chance to tell him. I hit a rough patch in my life and was visiting him often during some difficult emotional and mental struggles. I had been seeing my doctor since I was nine years old, so he knew me quite well. My girlfriend had come with me on a few occasions and I merely introduced her as a “friend.” The next time I saw him, he made a point of saying, “I was really glad to meet your partner and I want you both to know that we are going to get you through this.” I almost cried. I knew that it was his way of telling me that he knew, that it didn’t bother him at all, and that I had nothing to worry about on concerning that matter.

I had often wondered if he knew, and noticed that he no longer asked me if I was sexually active or concerned about getting pregnant. I knew that at some point I would have to tell him, and yet (even after coming out to my parents, family and friends) I still found it hard to initiate a conversation about it.

Human Rights Campaign.org has an excellent advice section about coming out. I found these tips and suggestions to share. I only wish I had had them at my own disposal when I was deciding how to come out to my doctor.

Doctors, nurses, physician assistants, psychotherapists and other professionals treating you need to know about your sexual orientation and gender identity to give the best care possible.

Yet surveys consistently show that many gay, lesbian and bisexual patients aren’t open about their sexual orientation with health care providers, and transgender patients often face unique challenges finding competent care.

Here are some tips to make finding and being open with health care providers a little easier:

Ask for referrals. Ask friends or local GLBT centers for the names of good GLBT-friendly health care providers. You can also check the listings at www.glma.org.

Inquire by phone. When you call to make an appointment, ask if the practice has any GLBT patients. If you’re nervous about asking, remember you don’t have to give your name during that initial call.

Bring a friend. If you’re uneasy about being open with your health care provider, consider asking a trusted friend to come with you.

Bring it up when you feel most comfortable. Ask your doctor for a few minutes to chat while you’re still fully clothed – maybe even before you’re in the exam room.

Know what to ask. Learn about the specific health care issues facing GLBT people.

As for my own advice, many of us consider a doctor a friend. We talk about everything from mucus in our chests, to periods, to sexual activity and bowel movements. There are no limits, no taboo subjects that they haven’t heard before or haven’t already been broached. Take this fact into account and trust that if you can have a conversation about being bloated or flatulence, than you can easily have a conversation about being gay.

Tune in every Friday for the Come Out & Play series, featuring coming out stories of celebrities, every day people, personal reflections, advice, tid bits and everything else concerning the complicated world of coming out!

Got an interesting coming out story to tell? Contact me and I will feature it in an upcoming post of Come Out & Play.

Have you heard about the “fag bug?”

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