Lez Keep It Real

It’s good Friday and by all means it’s going to be a GOOD Friday because today I am introducing the weekly Friday series of Coming Out Stories!”

Everyone has a coming out story, whether it’s already written or waiting to be told. Each story is as unique as the person who tells it.

I like to equate coming out with being naked, because basically you are stripping down to your soul and bearing it all for the world to see merely by saying, “I’m gay.” These two little words can be the “shot heard ‘round the world.” That’s how much weight they carry and how much of an impact they can have on our lives as homosexuals living in a heterosexually dominated world. The idea of saying those two words out loud can be so frightening that many people choose not to say them at all. Instead, they hide in the safety of the closet because they believe that it’s better that way.

Believe me, it’s not.

By staying in the closet, people end up doing more harm to their mental, emotional and physical wellbeing than good. Hiding your true self from others, as well as yourself, is like ignoring a part of you that needs air to breathe, sunlight to grow and love to thrive. By hiding yourself you are saying that you don’t approve of who you are and that can lead to self-hatred and lowered self-esteem. Many closeted homosexuals endure periods of depression and seclusion. The closet can be a dark and lonely place, which makes it easy to see why we choose it as a symbol of isolation. When you decide to open the door and step into the air and light, the sensation is as freeing as if you were trapped for years in a physical closet. Coming out is liberating, as it often sets you free from such emotional torment. Of course, no one can tell you when to come out. Many people often come to the realization that they are gay at a young age, but don’t come out until years later. Realizing it is one thing, accepting it is another. And before you can come out to anyone, you have to come out to yourself. You have to feel as though it is the right time for you because, as they say, timing is everything.

My time happened when I was a bright-eyed twenty-two year-old. I had always known I was gay, every since I had a crush on my best friend in the third grade. But like most I had this horrible sense that if I told anyone, I would be ridiculed or worse. So I chose to try and hide it. After years of lying about how I felt and overcompensating by saying, “gay people are gross” whenever the topic came up, I finally reached a point where I couldn’t hide from it any longer. I wanted to explore that side of me because it became all I could think about. After a period of self-discovery and many journal entries later, I was able to say to myself, “I’m gay.”

The first person that you decide to come out to is extremely important, because their reaction sets the stage for future conversations with others. A positive reaction will allow you to feel more comfortable and confident when you decided to tell someone else. The first person I told was my grandmother. Our relationship had always been a close one and I knew that she often acted from a place of love in all aspects of her life. She offered me nothing but a caring shoulder and lots of support. I know that I was very lucky to have such a wonderful reaction and it only propelled me further along in my coming out process.

Unfortunately, like many leaps of faith, coming out has its risks. Family and friends might have an adverse reaction, some personal relationships may be altered and you may experience harassment or discrimination. The benefits, however, always outweigh the risks involved. While not everyone will be understand and accepting, by coming out you can give yourself the opportunity to live an open and whole live, develop closer and meaningful relationships, build up your self worth, pave the way for future gay and lesbian generations and become part of a thriving community. It’s more than just announcing to the world that you are gay, it’s about living life to the fullest on your own terms.

In the columns ahead, I will explore the many facets of coming out and the healthy ways to live openly in today’s society. We face decisions about coming out on a daily basis, from the why (or why not), to the when, where and who. It’s an ongoing journey that unfolds slowly like a gripping novel, one page at a time. Every story is different, but one thing will always remain the same.

Every story deserves to be told.

Every week I will post a “Coming Out Story of the Week” featuring coming out stories of celebrities (past & present), personal stories, resources and other fun tid bits.

Feel free to e-mail me your story!

coming out, homosexual, closet