Lez Keep It Real

Comes the baby in the baby carriage.

At least that’s how it’s supposed to go, right?

According to PlanetOut, gay couples are becoming parents more often these days through in vitro fertilization:

The 2004 legalization of same-sex marriage in Massachusetts, a decision that has led to more than 8,500 gay unions so far, may have given birth to a familial trend of a different sort — having kids through in-vitro fertilization (IVF).

Doctors from the Reproductive Science Center of New England, a chain of infertility clinics with eight locations across Massachusetts, report that the number of same-sex couples seeking in-vitro fertilization has doubled each year since 2004. It’s no wonder: A 2001 Kaiser Family Foundation poll found that nearly half of gay men and lesbians who weren’t currently parents said they would like to have children some day.

But same-sex couples don’t necessarily need a marriage certificate to commence IVF baby-making. The trend extends to other areas of the country, too. Dr. Susan Willman, medical director at the Reproductive Science Center of the San Francisco Bay Area, estimates that gay and lesbian couples represent nearly 10 percent of her clinic’s clientele. Dr. G. David Adamson, director of the Bay Area medical group Fertility Associates of Northern California, acknowledges a gay-couple IVF boom at his facilities as well. READ MORE

at the end of the article, PlanetOut poses the following question:
Do you want children?

Now that me and my lady love are “engaged,” the thought of starting a family has crossed both of our minds. Well, it crossed awhile back when we first got together actually. We both confessed as to where we stood on the whole having children aspect. And we both were on the same page, meaning we both wanted children.

Back then it was just a thought. Now that thought is becoming more of a reality. And the truth is, that thought now scares the crap out of me. So the question for me isn’t so much if I want children or not, it’s more of when I want to have them.

I always told myself that if I did have children, I would only do it when I was emotionally and mentally stable to do so. Now, I’m not psychotic or anything. But I do have some “issues.” Let’s face it, we all have “issues” (some more serious than others). Most of our issues develop through our own parents who unconsciously put their own issues on to us. I’m still busy undoing the verbal damage my mother did to me by constantly telling me I wasn’t “girly enough.” One simple phrase caused me to have gender identity issues, low self-esteem and other such issues. And that’s just the tip of the ice berg.

I don’t want to go off on a tangent here. My point is simple. I’m at a place in my life where I am fully aware of my issues and I am in the process of tackling them one by one. What scares me most about being a parent is that I don’t want my kid (or kids) to develop the same issues because I didn’t take the time to deal with them myself. The process of growing up is complicated enough. My kids are going to have their own issues to deal with, and they don’t need to deal with mine as well. I refuse to put my insecurities on to them. I refuse to do what my parents (and so many other parents do) did to me.

Some people have kids for selfish reasons. They think about themselves and how they just want to have kids. They don’t think about if they are in the right frame of mind, or right place in life to do so.

I know that expecting me to conquer every single one of my issues in this lifetime is impossible. I’m sifting through 29 years of emotional crap. It’s going to take some time. But before I start raising other human beings,  I would at least like to know I have a handle on my issues. I would at least like to be in a better, more positive space. And I would at least like to know that I have the ability to keep my issues from becoming theirs.

I’m not afraid of being a parent. I’m afraid of being a good parent. But I think that putting my kids first by admitting that I’m not ready to have them yet is a damn good start.

[tags]planetout, planetout.com, in vitro fertilization, reproductive science center of new england, lez keep it real[tags]