Lez Keep It Real

I play in a weekly basketball league with a group of talented and intelligent women. Last night, as we were warming up before our game, the conversation shifted to Jodie Foster and her supposed “coming out.”

For those of you who read the Come Out & Play last Friday, you already know that I don’t believe Ms. Foster was making any kind of “coming out” statement at all.

During the discussion last night, I voiced my opinion that I didn’t believe that Jodie Foster, or any celebrity for that matter, had an “obligation” to the GLBT community to come out.

“But we need people like her on our side!” one of my teammates exclaimed.

“Our side?” What does that mean? Are we using celebrities as political pawns?

Respectfully, I disagreed. Celebrities or people who live their lives in the spotlight shouldn’t feel pressured to come out or reveal their sexuality just so we can say they’re on our side. They have the right to privacy, don’t they? Even more so than we do I would think because their right to privacy is so impeded upon on a daily basis. Most celebrities can’t even go to the store without the paparazzi attacking them. Imagine living like that?

“But we need her to be a role model for gay teens,” another teammate professed.

Role model? Since when do celebrities have to be role models? Is there some written rule that says that when you become famous and you happen to be gay, you are required to become an advocate for GLBT causes or become an inspired GLBT activist?

Not every gay celebrity is built to be an activist. And you don’t have to be visibly taking a stand in order to contribute to the GLBT community. There are many ways to do so, whether its by giving to charitable GLBT causes or speaking at GLBT functions and events. Either way works for me.

Furthermore, why does Jodie Foster have to admit to being gay in order for teens to look up to her? Isn’t she already a stand-up individual, someone who has portrayed a sense of stability in an otherwise unstable career? Isn’t she a decent and respectable human being? Someone who exudes professionalism and humility in such a plastic and egotistical Hollywood community? That alone, to me, speaks volumes about her character. That to me is someone to look up to – gay, straight or otherwise.

I understand the need in our community for certain people in the spotlight to speak out on our behalf, because I felt the same way when other celebrities came out. But the thing I’ve since realized is that we have to give them the option. We can’t make it mandatory for them to become activists. As I said before, not everyone was meant to be the face of GLBT causes. Some people prefer to contribute from behind the scenes. And that doesn’t lessen their contribution by any means.

Besides, there are plenty of GLBT oriented groups and organizations out there to help our GLBT youth navigate successfully through their gay adolescence.

I was pleasantly pleased to read this article this morning in the New York Times:

For Gay Teenagers, Hope in Numbers

Michael Moreno, a 15-year-old 10th grader from Brewster, could not believe what he was seeing as he walked into the big hall at the Westchester County Center, and he grew quiet. There, for as far as the eye could see, were hundreds of boys and girls who belonged to gay-straight clubs at area middle schools and high schools.

“This is a great moment for him,” said his stepfather, Hector Ramos. “He’s always felt so isolated.”

Michael had so been looking forward to the daylong PrideWorks conference that he’d jumped out of bed that morning at 5:30. He was so happy and nervous, he kept forgetting basic pieces of information. “Dad, what’s my cellphone number?” he asked at one point.

The boy has felt different forever, long before he had a name for it, at least since age 5, he said. He told his mom when he was in the eighth grade, and she wasn’t surprised. “She figured how I was,” said Michael.

“He’d hang out with the girls, not the boys,” said Anna Trejo, his mother, a court worker.

“He had female tendencies and a sensitive part,” said Mr. Ramos, a flooring contractor.

For these differences, Michael suffered. He was treated for depression. Knowing no one like himself, he spent long hours on the computer. Several months ago he told his parents he’d met a nice boy from Australia online and wanted to bring him here for a visit. “He wanted us to pay for it,” said Mr. Ramos. “He was upset when we wouldn’t.”

How does a parent make friends for a child? “I had this weight on my shoulders,” said Ms. Trejo. “I didn’t know where to go and what to do. As his mother, I can help him only so much.” Which is why the family had put a good deal of hope in the conference here. As Michael said: “I was feeling kind of lonely and stuff. I wanted to meet people.”

This was the ninth year of the PrideWorks gathering, which is put on by the Hudson Valley chapter of the Gay Lesbian and Straight Education Network. The conference is sponsored by numerous community groups, including a local Merrill Lynch office, the Westchester-Putnam School Boards Association, the Westchester-East Putnam Region PTA and a state senator, Suzi Oppenheimer, a Democrat from Mamaroneck. READ MORE

It seems that many GLBT teens out there are doing just fine. And when you think about it, role models start with mom and dad. Parents are the people GLBT teens look for guidance first and foremost. They are the people who can give the love and support that GLBT teens need and deserve. Not Jodie Foster.

Get mom and dad on “our side.” The battle of acceptance doesn’t begin in the spotlight or even in Washington D.C.

It begins at home.

jodie foster, the new york times, gay role models, gay celebrities, prideworks