Lez Keep It Real

I’m taking a break from politics, news, rants and other heated topics of conversation today to reflect on my holiday weekend. I made the trip from Buffalo, NY to Atlanta, GA last Wednesday to visit my parents, my older brother, my sister in-law, my niece and nephew, and my twin brother. And I brought along my girlfriend, for the first time in our three-year relationship, to be a part of the family holiday fun.

My girlfriend has always been welcome by my family, but this was the first time that we all interacted in a holiday setting. It wasn’t that I was nervous or anything, it was that I didn’t expect it to be as enjoyable and carefree as it was. My father has often said, since adjusting to my being gay, that it was a non-issue. And I guess I didn’t really realize just what a non-issue it was until this past week.

First, my parents let my girlfriend and I sleep in the same bed. Which was surprising, not just because we are gay, but because he wouldn’t let my older brother and his wife sleep in the same bed in his house before they were married. My mother even commented on this, saying my father doesn’t hold me to the same standards as he did with my older brother. I smiled simply and said, “That’s because he loves me best.” Then she went on to ask if my girlfriend and I were going to have kids. I almost fainted. Then I proceeded to say that we’d like to have a ceremony of some kind first. It amazed me at how candid I was being, how we talked about it all so freely and so openly, how it was just as my father had said it was – a non-issue.

The rest of the week carried on in much of the same fashion. My girlfriend was included in everything, every discussion, the cleaning of the dishes, the set-up of the meal, the cooking, the family poker game, the napping, the playing with the kids, and especially the family banter. Even when my grandmother decided to give out her Christmas gifts ahead of time, she had something special for my girlfriend with out my even mentioning it. My father said my grandmother had taken it upon herself to get my girlfriend something, that it was her idea because she enjoyed my girlfriend’s company so much. I can’t even tell you how that made me feel or how wide my smile was at that moment.

Things were so comfortable in fact, that I often left my girlfriend alone to fend for herself among my family members, knowing full well that she’d be more than fine and that she could hold her own.
It was such an enjoyable holiday that I found myself wishing it could have lasted longer. I found myself looking forward to future holiday gatherings, maybe even with the pitter-patter of little feet tagging along after my girlfriend and I as we make the trip back to Atlanta.

I know that I am lucky to have the love and support of my family. But I also know that it isn’t impossible for others to have. I know now that being gay can be a non-issue for other families as well. It can be that easy. It can be that simple. My father is one of the most conservative people that I have ever met. He’s been able to make it a non-issue. And if he can do it, I fully believe that anyone can.

How do I know?

Well … one of my favorite moments was when we were cleaning up after a meal. My girlfriend was changing the garbage can and was having trouble unwrapping the garbage bag. I tried to help her. But these were strange garbage bags. They were stretchy and didn’t open up easily. At one point during our confusion, I glanced around to see that we had attracted a bit of a crowd. So, being the person that I am, I laughed and said, “How many lesbians does it take to change the garbage?”

The laughter that erupted was answer enough.

non-issue, lesbian, holiday family fun