Lez Keep It Real

I’ve been a tomboy for as long as I can remember. I liked to play in the mud, tossed around the football with my brothers and even ran around with my shirt off. My mom used to complain that she would have to tie my hair in ribbons and constantly pull up my pants. Five minutes later my hair would be running wild, the ribbons would be sprawled out across the lawn and my pants would be hanging slightly below my hips.

Not much has changed since then.

Of course, I don’t run around with my shirt off anymore and my hair is too short to be tied back into ribbons (thank God). I did go through a “girly” phase in high school though. I was under the impression that girls, even tomboys, had to wear make-up, dress girly and have long flowing hair. At the time I couldn’t figure out why I was so miserable. Now I know it was because I wasn’t allowing myself to be just me. I was trying to be someone else. And because of that, I was often depressed and overly critical of how I looked. Of course, it took me a couple of years and some soul searching before I was able to put two and two together.

There are many theories as to why women adopt a more masculine persona for themselves. And some of those theories have caused me to question a great deal about myself. I began asking myself questions like, what if this or that didn’t happen, would I still be this way? Or what if I had been brought up in a different neighborhood, one that was predominately filled girls instead of boys? I was only able to find one answer to all of these questions. And that is that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter how I got here, the fact of the matter is that I am here. This is who I am and this is who I know how to be. I often profess that I believe that everything happens for a reason. So there must be some pretty good reason for the events that occurred in my childhood to have happened.

The truth is, I can’t imagine myself being any other way. I like my baggy jeans, even when they do drift down below my hips. I like the fact that I’d rather wear a fresh white pair of Addidas left with the laces untied instead of a pair of designer heals. I like that my hair only takes about two minutes to dry after a shower and another two minutes to style with a simple gob of gel. I like that I’d rather read a Sports Illustrated than an issue of Glamour any day. And I especially like shopping at Old Navy because I can peruse the isles on both the men and women’s side – twice the options! These are everyday things that I have noticed about myself and each one of them puts a smug little grin on my baby face.

What I’ve also noticed is that my tomboyish persona plays a part in my relationships as well. My mom once asked me who takes on the “boy” role in a girl/girl relationship. I remember telling her that neither does. But I think that in some girl/girl relationships there ends up being a boy/girl dynamic. I really didn’t plan on it happening that way, but because I tend to be a little more chivalrous, this type of dynamic occurs. I like to open doors, lead on the dance floor, and pay for dinner (when I have sufficient funds of course!). And girls, who aren’t used to that, tend to appreciate it more.

Ah… the joys of being a tomboy. Or maybe, they are the joys of just being me. I can’t imagine being anything else. And I think the people that know me best, love who I am because they can’t imagine me being anything else either. Part of loving yourself fully, is learning to love every little part of you. We as gay individuals have to go that extra mile because we are already considered different by most of society. And though it can be a tough and tiring journey, it is entirely worth the effort. Like many people, I’m still figuring myself out. But I don’t see myself changing much in the future.

It’s been awhile since I’ve played in some mud though. Maybe next time it rains, I’ll indulge.

tomboy, sports illustrated, addidas, old navy