Lez Keep It Real

The L Word calls it the chart. I call it the spiderweb.

If you’re wondering what in the world I am talking about, I’ll tell you. I’m talking about the strange community that exists among lesbians where they are connected to each through past hook ups or relationships. It’s basically a six degrees of separation kind of thing, only without Kevin Bacon.

You date a girl, find out that she dated someone who dated your ex and who is also now dating your best friend. Everyone is connected, someway … somehow.

It’s a tangled web we lesbians weave. Calling it the “chart” makes it sound technical, almost scientific as if there isn’t any dysfunction involved. I call it a spiderweb because it’s a tangled, intertwined  dysfunctional connection between women who have been involved with another sexually or otherwise. The connection is so close and so overlapping that it could be classified as incestuous.

Case in point. Last night my girlfriend and I had some people over to watch the Sunday night football game. (I won’t go into the fact that the Bills got hammered by the Patriots) One of the girls we had over I’ve known for over a year, but we’ve never really hung out or talked in great depth. She’s an awesome person, and we’ve recently been hanging out more because we both play basketball in the same pick-up league and she basically lives around the corner from me. We have a lot of the same interests and I think that she might become a good friend in time.

After the game, everybody left except her. And after my girlfriend went to bed, she and I stayed up chatting. It turns out that she got involved with some over the summer who was involved with my ex and one point in time and had also been the object of my current girlfriend’s affection at another point in time. I was like, this is way too close to home. It’s as if you can’t date anybody in this town with out already being connected to them in some way, shape or form through the dreaded spiderweb. And I know this situation isn’t unique to Buffalo, NY. It happens everywhere, wherever lesbians roam.

I don’t know why we do this. I don’t understand the appeal. But I’ve known it’s  wrong on so many levels ever since my first encounter with the spiderweb concept. A girl I had been dating for about three months and I broke up. She started dating someone new and then wanted to hook me up with her current girlfriend’s ex. I was like, um - no thanks!

I’m happy to say that I’ve never dated any of my ex’s former ex’s or conquests. Each person that I have dated has been far removed from my circle of friends. But even though I know there’s enough space in between who my current girlfriend has dated and who I have dated, I also know there’s a connection somehow. If we traced back though the web, I’m sure we’d find that the six degrees of separation is a lot closer than we think.

The spiderweb is almost unavoidable. But, if you can keep yourself from getting caught up in it - I highly advise it. When things get tangled, they get messy. And the more tangled you get, the harder it is to get out of the web.

If you’ve got a spiderweb story, feel free to share it.

the L word, our chart, spiderweb, lesbians